Hey There, Hi There, Ho There

Howdy Party People.

I'm alive, aliveeeeeeeeeeee.

I'm also sporting 195.5 this AM FINALLY broke down past the 197 mark. I was getting pretty ticked off there, but alas...the scale humored me today. Tomorrow is official weigh-in Friday. I'm hoping the popcorn I just devoured doesn't do me wrong. :/

Anywho- It's been an interesting two weeks. Nothing major to report about, just some observances. My behavior when it comes to food and weight loss completely baffles me. I'm learning that what that scale says morning after morning determines how I eat for the day and how I feel about myself. Should the scale have that much power over me?

What's even more weird is this: I lose a pound and think "that's awesome T, you CAN eat that ice-cream you've been wanting". OR when I gain a pound, it's "Ah crap T, what the Eff?! Might as well eat that ice-cream you've been wanting". Either way, I'm getting that ice-cream. PATHETIC. It's my reward AND my punishment. Food is. WOW, how unhealthy is that behavior?! Somebody call in a shrink, or send her in this direction because this little one has some issues.

I've also learned that it's a major cycle of mine that when I'm losing and doing well, I'm OK (or relatively OK as I mentioned above). Heaven forbid though, if the scale budges an eighth of a pound in the other direction, I totally do a 180 and think that "well, you've already blown it...might as well keep eating and gain all your weight back in one day". Why on Earth do I do that?? What makes it worse is that I think I've given myself some false security thinking that I will NEVER be physically able to gain the weight back again. I need someone to tell me that they gained it all back. I need that fear. Right now, I have a bit of cockiness thinking I won't ever gain it back as long as I'm banded with restriction. Hmmmppphhh I'm a hot mess too (seems to be a lot of us going around).

In other news, I'm rocking a size 16 pants now. I've got some skinny jeans (ya, I know they're out now- but I'm keeping them!) that my aunt sent me from Forever 21. Did you know that F21 carries plus sized clothes?! Me neither. She sent me an 18 and a 16 and they both fit!!! ALSO- OH and this is a good one. Do you all remember when I posted last summer about the size 14 capris that I got last summer on clearance? Well two out of the three FIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG. I can squeeze my ass into a size 14!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so excited when I was able to zip them that I hollered "FOURTEENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". My P2 was in the other room and came running down the hall to see what mommy was yelling for and she repeated it "FOURTEEN!!!!!!!!". It was so cute and a proud moment for SURE!!!

I remember buying those pants and thinking they would NEVER fit and here, they fit. Now I won't wear them in public anytime soon, but just to know that they fit and I could zip them is AMAZING. If I could just get my head in the game and quit trying to self-sabotage I would be golden!!

Here is a pic of my baby just because she's my Princess and I love her bunches and bunches. Doesn't she look like she'd make a perfect toddler Renesmee?!?! I think so! :)