Well, tonight is the last night.
I feel like a friend is getting ready to leave on a plane and will never come back this way again.
I feel like I a huge part of my life is coming to an end and any joy that food used to bring me will now cease to exist. Forever. It's sad.
Depressing.
Depressing to think that food has come to mean so much to me and I how I have this feeling of impending doom that tomorrow will hold. A tomorrow of 800 calorie a day of Optifast shakes. Two weeks. Vanilla and Strawberry (they were out of chocolate.). A tomorrow where I will need to fill my tummy with sugar free jello and crystal light, tea, and water. Will my blood sugar drop so low (for me) that I become a raging bitch and become some psycho chick?! A psycho chick who wants to eat you???? LOL Oh man, what am I doing?? I know it's for the best. I really do. It's just I feel like my world is coming to an end. No more eating freely and not caring or worrying about what I'm filling my mouth with. Not caring how many calories it has or if it's going to make me fat. I'm going to miss the celebratory dinner events my family has for special occasions.
Sorry if this is all over the place. I'm tired.
I wonder how tomorrow is going to go at work. Still no one knows, except one confidant, of my plans. It sucks. I would like to tell some people, but it's too shameful for me right now. I don't know why. I'm not the kind of person who gives a rat's ass what others think of me. I guess it bothers me to share something so personal with them is because it will be admitting to the world that I've failed. Does that make sense? Anyway, just rambling. It's late. I will leave with a few goodbyes to my life as I know it.
Goodbye soda. Dr. Pepper. I love you, and you will be missed. Maybe one day I will drink you again...even if I need to let you sit out and become flat.
Goodbye Chipotle. I personally hold you responsible for at least 20 of my excess poundage.
Adios Braums. btw, your ice cream was fabulous tonight.
Goodbye Mexican food, my lover. hahaha I plan to revisit you some time in late July!
Goodbye fast food. You've been a real B to my health throughout my life. As much as I'm sure I will miss you initially, I know it's for the best.
:) Wish me luck tomorrow!!! If I seem a little snippy...well, it's cuz I'm hungry. :> Throw me a bone. LOL Literally, throw me a frickin bone!
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Awww, you are going to be just fine! I was banded on May 24th...3 weeks ago. I have already lost 14 pounds and I am thrilled. I just noticed yesterday that I don't really think about food all that much. Like you, I was mourning my free eating way of life and I cried after surgery with buyers remorse. But I got past it and I feel so much better. You will be able to eat your favorite foods again but in much smaller portions. Last night I had a grilled hamburger patty with cheese and I only ate half! I was pleasantly satisfied. You are going to do great!
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