The Cookie Saga

I'm still here. Still got the band. Now having problems with my incisions causing me pain. They hurt. Especially one under there right boob region. When I stand up after sitting for a bit, if feels like someone has a meat hook inside of me and is pulling on the incision. OUCH. Don't know what that is about, but I hope it goes away soon.

It seems like these days I have more time on my hands. I guess when you're not eating, you find those extra minutes sure add up. So, I've been doing some thinking.
Thinking about food. How ironic. I'm starting to learn, or at least somewhat piece together, my triggers/habits/etc that caused me to be overweight my entire life.

Do you remember being a kid (or teen, or young adult) in the 80s and seeing those starving children from Ethiopia on TV with the flies all around them and their bulging tummies? Feed the Children. Remember? Well, my problem is wasting food. If there is perfectly decent food to be eaten, well then by golly SOMEONE better eat it. Oh? You don't want it? Sure, I think I can squeeze it in. Problem #1.

I grew up in the clean plate club. I had to eat ALL my dinner, because remember, kids are starving in Africa. That food costs us money and you're not going to waste it, I remember thinking. Now I'm sure my parents didn't say that in so many words, but the fact of the matter was, you took it, now you're going to eat it. Most of the time, I was happy to oblige.

So let me tell you about the cookie.

Often, my company caters in lunch for meetings. Last week, I think food was brought in 3 times. Sandwiches mostly w/salads, fruit, and for dessert, cookies. BIG COOKIES. Homemade cookies.

Exhibit #1

Oatmeal Raisin.

Notice there is some evidence of nibblage. I took it at lunch and was going to save it for later as a little snacky-snack. I did taste it, and was surprised that it didn't taste that great. ODD. Let me take another taste and see. Hmmmm, still tasted 'different'. Now the old T would have just inhaled it and gone about her business. Not the new and improved T. I just left it on my desk and thought I would try it again later.

It was calling me. I heard it. Begging for me to ingest the oatmeal sweet raisin goodness. So again, I did take another small nibble. Nope, still tasted funny. So I thought I would just bring it home to my DH, or worse, for my DD. There it was, still staring at me. Then I got to thinking that they didn't really need it either. Then I thought I should just throw away the cookie.

WHAT?! ARE YOU MAD, WOMAN?! THROW AWAY THE PERFECTLY EDIBLE DELICIOUS COOKIE?! That would be blasphemous. So there it sat, and I wrestled with the idea of throwing away a cookie. The thought crossed my mind that maybe I should offer it to a co-worker. Chances are they would have looked at me like I was insane. Afterall, it looked like a mouse had gotten ahold of it. I 86ed that idea. Again, I'm having this horrible internal debate. Imagine if you will, the angel on my right shoulder, the devil on my left.

Throw the cookie away.
NO, I just can't do it.
Eat the cookie then!
No, I'm not hungry and it's not appealing to me anymore.
Then throw the damn cookie in the garbage.
I CAN'T, there are children starving in Africa.
They will be OK, JUST TOSS THE DAMN COOKIE.
OK OK OK!!!

Compromise.

I took a picture of the cookie and tossed it in the trash.




Ahhhhhhhhhhh

Breakthrough.

I can throw food away. So what if I need to take a picture of it to make the separation seem that more bearable.

Ya, I'm pathetic. LOL