That's how I've been feeling these last few days (ok, if we're being honest, a lot longer than the last few days.)
I'm so discouraged. Confused. Angry at myself. Sorry for myself. I feel so lost in this LB journey and I can't find my big girl panties so I'm wearing a pull-up. WAHHHHHH. (side note, just as I'm writing this in a quiet house, what do I hear coming from my backyard? A low rumbling "Moo-ooooooooooo". Yes, a cow. Ironic or just downright mean?! No, I don't live on a farm...just have a pasture behind our house.)
Back to what I was saying before I was so rudely Moo-ed at. Damn cow.
Yesterday I was Googling LB fills for info and I stumbled across a doctor's site. His site is full of ads, so I was a little hesitant of the validity at first, but the more I read it, the more I was liking what I was reading. I was learning new things about the LB and the site did well at explaining everything in laymans terms and pretty good use of analogies. All was well yesterday, and I even sent the site to a few of my friends.
Then today I started reading more of it and that's when I had a mini-meltdown at work. One sentence that keeps playing over and over in my mind is "The LB will not restrict your food intake. That is up to YOU." Say what?!? I thought that was the entire point of the LB. To make it physically impossible to consume large quantities of food in one sitting. RIGHT? I mean, R.I.G.H.T.????????? The more I read, I could feel the tears welling up. "If a patient comes into my office saying they can still eat a lot so they need another fill,... they have been misinformed." HUH????
So I'm thinking that he does have some valid points, but some of it goes against everything I THOUGHT I knew about the LB and how it works. He said that if you're hungry within two hours after a meal, you should get a fill. If you can go 3-4hrs, you're probably OK. Now that, I can understand.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, I just don't know how I'm going to lose all this weight. It's so frustrating and overwhelming. Now with this new found 'knowledge', now I'm really questioning how this dumb thing is going to help me lose weight. If I'll still be able to eat anything and everything, than what's the fricken point???? That is what I don't understand. If I had amazing willpower, portion control wisdom, and ate healthy then I wouldn't need the damn thing. Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (insert temper tantrum here).
I hate to be debbie-downer, but I just know I'm going to be the one fat ass that stays fat despite having a LB. Can you tell I'm pissed?!?! Here I am waiting for this fill that, in my twisted reality, is going to be just the thing I need to start dropping the weight, and now I'm not so sure.
Normally, I'm very confident and stubborn in my opinions and path that I choose for myself. To say I'm a control freak would be like calling the pope Catholic. DUH!! I like running the show when it comes to myself, and now I'm seriously just a little girl lost. Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Oh, and surprise surprise surprise. The scale continues to be a bitch. I can't really blame her. I'm eating willy-nilly and falling into the devil food tricks again. I hate this. Really really hate this.
On a happy note. 40 followers. YAE!
I hope you're still with me after reading this drag of a post.
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Hang in there, stay strong and determined!! I'm pulling for you!!
ReplyDeletehttp://therestofmylifelisa.blogspot.com/
T-are you feeling full after you eat? i am only "supposed" top eat 1/2 a cup at a time and if i get more than a spoon or 2 over that...i feel like crap. i can do a cup of soup or yogurt, but other than that...i can only get the half cup...but i AM HUNGRY again in about 3 hours...and REALLY hungry at night. are you eating your protein FIRST and then your other food on top of that?..for some reason that is one of my nutritionists "tips" for feeling full faster (although it may just be a random thing).
ReplyDeletei would be really honest when you see your doc/RN again and tell them how you are feeling...express your concerns and ask for clarification. and don't get discouraged....you and i are baby bandsters. just learning our way...but try to keep this in mind...probably EVERY woman on here had/has food issues...and they've all had success with their bands (w/varying levels of success)...so talk to your doc...and hang in there.
These are all thoughts that have crossed my mind in between surgery and my fill. Having my fill was refreshing because I had some RESTRICTION. I know it wasn't my sweet spot but it was enough to let me know I did in fact HAVE a band! We have to take it day by day and not worry about tomorrow. I have always thought working my buns off for 1-2 pounds a week is insane so I was logical and went and gained 50 pounds. It is so hard for me to be happy with 1-2 pounds!!! I am struggling too! I am now 7 pounds up from my lowest. We can do this. We just have to believe, right?
ReplyDeleteI've read that, too. In my experience, it's BS. Yes, they say the goal of the band is to keep you full for longer, but the truth is in doing that it, it also restricts your intake. I just physically cannot eat much. I can't. I admit, I'm a tad on the tight side. So, maybe restriction of the amount of food is an unintended side effect, but it certainly happens.
ReplyDeleteIf you go back to my blog around March-ish, I wrote some very similar posts. I was GAINING weight. I was sure this stupid thing wasn't working. Lo and behold, when I was filled properly, the weight started flying off me. It WILL happen - I promise! Just hang in there... :)
Bandster Hell! You are in the throws of it. Restriction WILL happen. You just have to wait for it. Let me make a suggestion... take your measurements.(If you have taken them previously otherwise not so good of a suggestion) The results may surprise you. I don't know why I had it in my mind that I would wake up skinny or something. A proper fill goes a long way.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are getting good advice from the ladies that have gone through it. I can't help there but know I am rooting for you and I'm here to pick you up if you need it. Things will change and the weight will come off, just have a little faith and try your best to make good choices.
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