Days since Band and I became One

My Scale


I was a normal sized baby.  Maybe a little small.  6lbs, 2oz.  Healthy nonetheless.  Was an only child until my brother was born 4 years later.  'Normal' family for that decade.  Mom, Dad, Girl, Boy, Cat & Dog.  See, normal!

Looking back, I was a normal size toddler too.  By the time I started Kindergarten, I started to get a little round.    Nothing I think alarmed my parents to what would eventually come, but I was a little plump girl.  One thing I have to say, is that I was so confident as a child.  I could do anything I wanted and I wouldn't let anyone tell me I couldn't do anything.  My parents raised a VERY confident woman, despite my size.    I digress....

So ya, I lived in a middle class neighborhood with a decent school.  My mom worked when I was young, but we had babysitters (now called 'nannys') come to the house to watch my brother and I.  Now this is where it gets fuzzy.  I remember Kindergarten.  I can remember the name of my teacher.  The names of my friends.  The name of a little boy who told me he was going to marry me (ya, we were 5!) etc... 

First grade.  I remember NOTHING.
Second grade. Nada

And then my memory picks up again in third grade.  I remember my teacher, who my friends were, etc...   Why I don't remember that time period above is beyond me.  I've often wondered why I don't.  I do recall certain people involved in my life around that time that I didn't really care for, but none that I would go as far as to say I was abused.  Truth be told though, I probably was.  But who knows.  Sometimes I wonder if my selective memory is serving as a shield of the past...just as the fat could be acting as the proverbial barrier of my soul.  Ooooo, now that's DEEP.  lol   Sometimes I've thought about going through one of those hypno sessions to see if I can find out what is concealed in my brain, but I honestly think it might be better not knowing. 

Moving on...
I was always an active child.  The only TV I watched was Sat morning cartoons (remember when they were on EARLY??) and maybe one episode of cartoons on the weekdays before my mom got home.  The rest of the time I was outside playing.  I was either riding my bike, swimming at the local pool, or roller-skating.  I've got the scars on my knees to prove it!  So, I was active.  But still overweight.  I remember being in third grade and being weighed in class.  It was SOOO embarrasing.  Of course they didn't share your weight with the other kids, but I remember seeing them write down "108".  I remember tearing up on the way back to my seat.  I weighed as much as my mom.  To the dr. we went and my mom tried to put me on a diet.  I believe I was 10.  I may have lost a few pounds, but the way my mom cooked and the amount I was allowed to eat was not condusive to any type of weightloss. 

The years followed and the weight increased.   I was teased by the kids and boys weren't interested.  I did have some wonderful friends though.  I was never a kid who had a million good friends.  I was the kid that had a few great friends.  I'm still that way.  I'm very selective about whom I let in.    Anyway, so flash forward to the end of high school.  Of course I had a million crushes, and sometimes the boys acted like they were interested back, but I think they were embarrassed to do anything about it.  I was (errr, am) a fat girl, but I am a pretty girl. :)  So the only dating I did in HS was with college guys.  They must have thought I was easy. hahaha

I didn't really kiss a guy until I was 18.  He wasn't even my first real boyfriend either.  The first boyfriend  was when I was 18 too, and he was my first.  Finally a man who appreciated me for me and didn't care that I wasn't a size 2.  We had a three year relationship that ended with me in the hospital and him in jail.  Ya, that's a post for another time. 

I had tried to lose weight on and off from 8th grade and up, but my parents couldn't afford any treatment plans.  I remember my mom too me to Nutrisystem once and we met with the staff, they took my picture, got to look at before and after pics on the wall and we were all set to join until they told my mom how much it was.  I think she literally grabbed me and ran out of there.  So much for that. At that time, I think I weighed 167.

I then had a doctor who had success with Phen-Fen.  I was 20 and thought 'why-not?!'.  It was the miracle pill(s) everyone had been looking for.  At that time, I think I weighed in the ballpark of 190-200.  I followed it like it was prescribed and I lost about 50lbs in a year.  I was HAWT!!!!  Well, I can say that now looking back at those pics.  At the time, I still thought I was fat.  Just less fat.

Well, as we all know, the weight came back...and with a vengeance.  I was fortunate that I was under such good care when I was on the drugs that luckily I didn't suffer any heart damage.  I'm checked every few years just to make sure, but so far so good.  So flash forward to my wedding day. <---That was a big jump.  Long story longer...met M, the man of my dreams.  Sweet, smart, totally HOT, and just plain awesome.

I'm not ashamed to say that I was about 7wks pregnant on my wedding day,  We found out we were expecting two weeks before our wedding!  It was a surprise, but a blessing.  Since I had gone to the dr right before we left to go out of town (we got married out of state), I know I weighed 234 right around my wedding date.

During my pregnancy, I was scared to death to gain weight.  A close friend gained 80lbs with her first and I was NOT going to let that happen.  That would have put me over 300lbs.  Oh, btw, I'm 5'1.  I shudder at the thought.  Anyway, so I'm odd in that I lose weight when I am pregnant.  Not intentionally, I assure you.  I also acquired Gestational Diabetes AND Pre-Eclampsia which resulted in my daughter being induced at 35wks due to my failing kidneys.  Good times.

Shortly after having P1, I dropped a lot of weight.  I forgot to mention that I only gained 18lbs during that pregnancy.  Within the first three months after having her, I was down to 199.  UNDER 200!!!  I couldn't believe it.  It didn't take long for it to find me again.  Which then led to a go around with Weight Watchers followed by the drug Meridia.  Again, a few pounds lost, but nothing significant.

At the end of 2007, we decided we would try for baby #2.  At the time I thought it wouldn't be that hard to conceive.  I was wrong.  We didn't get pregnant until August of 2008.  Almost took us a year.  Oh, and right before I did get pg, we went through infertility treatments and tests with zero luck.  I even went on Adipex and lost about 15lbs before I got pg.  I can't remember how much I weighed when I got pregnant, but I think I was around 265.  I think I only gained 12lbs with her.  Again, I had GD (requiring insulin injections because diet changes alone weren't cutting it this time around!) but not PreE, and that's only because I've been on BP medicine for about 3 years now.  Not cool.  Again, I'm only 34.  I did lose another 50lbs and I hovered between 225lbs abd 235lbs...

So that's where we are at now.  I currently weigh, or as of Wednesday April 7th, 2010, I weighed 251.8 .  With my height, that puts me at a BMI of 48.2.  HORRIBLE.  I NEED TO DO SOMETHING or I'm going to die a premature death.  For my girls, for myself, for my family, for myself...did I say for myself?!?!  I NEED TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT.