Days since Band and I became One

My Scale

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

As a matter of fact, I AM with the Band!

I made it!! I made it!! I'm officially banded!!

I'm also sore as a mo-fo! OMG. Feels like I've been ran over by a tank.

Ok- so here is a synopsis of surgery day.

My surgery was scheduled for 7:30am, but I had to be there at 5:30am. So we woke up at 4am and was out the door by about 5am. It hasn't rained for weeks, but the gods decided to bless us with a torrential downpour that morning! Needless to say, it was a white-knuckle ride the whole way. I passed two accidents, and saw my life pass before my eyes numerous times.

Once at the hospital, we had to wait about 30min before we were taken back to start the IV in my arm and the lovely heparin shot in my belly. They also gave me something in the IV that basically made my tummy go to sleep. It was the oddest feeling. Like a lead weight residing in my gut. Weird.

After waiting for the anesthesiologist to come in, my frend J, texted me, from the lobby!! She was having her surgery a few hours after me, so I told her to come on in and say hi! She did and it was so great to finally meet her! We've been supporting each other via email for the last few weeks and it was great to finally put a face (a beautiful one too) to the words!!! Shortly after that, DK came in and asked if I was ready. I said I was, but nervous about the changes afterward. He was very reassuring that the changes will be very welcomed and that I would be fine. :)

Finally, Dr. Feelgood came in and it was time to wheel me to OR. I said goodbye to DH and once in the OR, had to slide on the table and then I got the crazy coctail! I remember stretching my IV arm out on some support table and the next thing I know I was coughing in the recovery room. Just like that!! The first thing I remember asking my nurse was if I got the band. I was soooo scared that since I cheated on the pre-op diet that he would get in there and decide my liver was too fatty to do the surgery. Nope, not the case! I not only had the band, but he also repaired a hiatal hernia and did a liver biopsy. Not sure what the latter was for, but I'm sure to find out.

It seemed unreal to be on the other side. While I was in recovery, I had to drink 5 little medicine cups of water every 10 min and after the third one, I felt like I just inhaled a Thanksgiving feast. Can you say BUST A GUT?!?! WOW. who knew that I would busting a gut from just water! I know it's only temporary, but I can get used to that!

So, once I drank my water and used the facilities, I was sent on my merry way. Oh, I was also given some meds that made the ride home much more enjoyable. While home, I did some walking, took my gas-x, drank some more water and took my protein shot drink. And slept. And slept some more. I felt pretty good until this morning.

I feel pretty bad today. It's not unbearable, but I've been coughing some more and it KILLS when I do. I feel like my incisions are going to break open with every cough. OUCH. I also got a little hungry tonight so I heated up some Cream of Chicken soup. I only got down a 1/4 of a cup and it kind of hurt. I think I may have eaten it too fast. Plus I drank some water with it. It wasn't until I was stuffed that I realized I broke LB Cardinal rule #1. NO DRINKING WHILE I'M EATING. Ya, lesson learned. Won't do that again. I'm supposed to be drinking 48oz of water a day and it's difficult to do, especially when you feel full so quickly. I've been using my daughter's sippy cup with the valve removed so it's helping to stop the urge to chug it.

All in all, I'm pretty happy with the outcome. The gas pains have been very minimal. The walking really helps as does the gas-ex strips. I've been staying on top of the pain meds as well. I'm not trying to be a hero here, so I welcome the drugs! :)

I stood on the scale this morning and I was up 4lbs. BLEH. I'm not even going to count that, or stand on it again anytime soon. My focus is on healing right now, and not losing weight. Baby steps. Baby steps.

Oh, and I'm going to see Eclipse tomorrow with my wonderful DH!! Can't wait!! :)

Good luck to Karen, who's surgery is tomorrow!! You'll do great and I look forward to hearing how it goes!

Monday, June 28, 2010

It's the last night of the world...

How did this happen??

No really, June 29th was over a month away. How did we get here, on the eve of this life-changing (for me) event. I just don't get it. It seems like only yesterday I was asking for info about my consult with the surgeon on LBT back in April. And here we are.

June 28th.


This day went entirely too fast too.

I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm scared. But I know I need to do something. Staying at this weight at this point in my life is bound to have serious consequences sooner than later. I'm still petrified though.

What keeps me afloat is all of the WONDERFUL support I've found via my blog and LBT!!!

Heather- Thank you for always cheering me on with your wonderful comments! Watching others like yourself go before me and live to tell the tale, is a comfort and I can't thank you enough for all your kind words!!

Erika- Thanks for your tell-it-like-it is comments too!! You've made me laugh and remind me of a dear friend I once knew. Thank you.

MrsP- You know I love you, sister from another mister. You've been a part of my life for over two years now and I'm glad you're standing by me on this journey too! If we can make it through infertility, this should be a piece of cake (mmmmm, cake!). LOL

Jen- My newest bud! Sometimes I think people come into your life for a reason, and although we haven't met IRL, I know we're going to be great friends. How can we not?! We're WAY too much alike!!!

Sara- My first friend on LBT. You've encouraged me and kept me going as well!! I thank you for that!!! When it's your turn, you know I'll do the same for you. :)

Karen- We can do it!! I'll be cheering you on here shortly!

To everyone else who's visited, commented, or just blogged about your experiences. Thanks a bunch!! You've all touched me and inspired me. I hope I can return the favor sometime in my path to a healthier me!

Well, I'm out folks!!! My surgery is at 7:30am and I have to be there at the ungodley hour of 5:30am. HOLY CRAP. EEK.

Oh, one thing I don't think I've ever blogged about is this darn surgery being on June 29th. The day of the midnight release of Eclipse, the movie. I'm so bummed I won't be able to hang out with the tweens screaming about Team Edward or Team Jacob (I'm Team E, btw!)tomorrow night, but I'll be there is spirit. Depending on how I feel, I might beg DH to take me during the day on Thurs or Fri. I don't think I could wait much longer!!!! Yae ECLIPSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Night Night, my peeps!! Thanks for everything. I'll probably report about tomorrow probably on Wednesday. Wish me luck!! :)

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Long Weekend

Short weekend, but long weekend when you're waiting to be sliced and diced in two days.

I'm starting to have second thoughts. Second thoughts about whether or not I'm making the right choice. I'm drastically changing my life, and I'm not sure if I'm ready. I think I'm just anxious about the surgery and more apprehensive about the aftermath.

I've read where depression after getting the LB is common, and with my history, I might need to double down on my happy pills. Not sure if I mentioned it, but I've been on zoloft for about 7yrs now, off and on, but mostly on. Depression runs in my family so it wasn't a surprise when I had my first daughter I suffered from PPD really bad. It was then that I started the medication and was able to see things clearer.

I tried to get off of them for a while, but then I found myself extremely irritable and really hard to live with. My DH and P1 were walking on eggshells not knowing what would set me off, so I decided to get back on the meds. What a difference they made for me. When I had my second daughter, I continued on the meds (yes, it was safe while pregnant) and even had to up my dose after I had her. I felt like a failure (again) for having to resort to more meds, but I knew in my heart that I was doing it for me and her. A healthy mommy is a better mommy. No sense being miserable when there is medication that CAN and WILL help.

Why am I going into this? Well, because I can see myself having 'buyer's remorse' (like one blogger comment termed) and instantly start regretting my decision. I know I've talked about this before, but I know I'm going to be miserable. It's already starting. I had a mini-meltdown earlier today with my DH about something stupid. I really don't think he grasps the HUGE change that is about to occur with me. He doesn't get the severity and finality of it all. He seems to have it in his little brain that once I lose the weight, I get the band removed and life is normal again. I know that's not the case, but I can't get him to understand that it's final and I will more than likely die with the band in place...restricting me until I die.

OMG- do I want to live a life restricted?

OMG- aren't I already living a life restricted??

Forgive me if this is all over the place. A lot on my mind this evening. As you can imagine.

Also, my friend's recent ex-husband just passed away yesterday. My friend and I used to work together and her ex got my husband his starting position with the company that he still works for. We have a lot to be thankful to Rich for, and his passing suddenly just hits a little too close to home. We even shared a birthday. Although I hadn't seen him in years, it doesn't make the loss any easier, and I have to be there for my friend. I'm afraid we probably won't be able to make the service, depending on how I feel...but we shall see. I hope to.

Anyway, so a lot on my plate this Sunday night.

I've also cheated. On Friday night I had chinese food for dinner. I couldn't choke down another shake.

Yesterday I had a few bites of eggs and a few bites of grilled chicken breast. Today, I've had two peices of bread and a few more bites of chicken breast. This morning I also had some chorizo/eggs/cheese on a small flour tortilla. I'm a hot mess (shoutout Amy P). I managed to lose another pound though (no change on the ticker since I'm back to where I was before. I keep fluctuating...geee, I wonder why that is happening.) Sigh.

At this point, I've kind of given up. I'm not stopping the shakes, I will still choke them down, but I'm not going to beat myself up about my slip-ups anymore. It's too close to the end for me to change anything. No, I'm not going to blow it completely and eat whatever tomorrow. I will still try to be good and responsible. I started out with gusto and it's quicky spiraled downward. What's done is done and if DK gets in there and can't perform the surgery, I will have no one to blame but myself.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Starvation: Day 10

I'm really having a hard time.

I almost cracked today, to the tune of Chick Fil A. It took my DH and my newest friend J to talk me away from the drive-thru line.

I just want food. Real food. Fast food. Bad food. Yummy food.

I needed to go run a few errands at lunch time and that's when it started calling me. I was like a crackhead jonesing for the next high. A French fry high. Ha.

I don't know why these last few days (4!!!) of this pre-op is killing me, but it is. It takes all I have not to get in the car and hit up one of my fave places.
Today is especially hard. 2 words.


This was a weekly treat we would indulge in at a Mexican place around here. Well, guess what today is? Thursday. :(
No fajitas for me. Damn. I'm soooo hungry.
Ok, the above was written about three hours ago. The good news? No fajitas.
The bad news? I ate some real food.

2 potato wedges. 2 bites of an Arbys jr roast beef sandwich.
know. I know. I'm a pathetic pre-op bandster. I keep thinking it wasn't a good choice, but it could have been worse.
Does that excuse it? Absolutely not.... But I'm owning it.
One interesting thing that little fiasco brought to my attention was it kind of hurt to swallow. It's like my throat has closed up some and the chunk of food felt like a ton of jagged bricks were sliding down my gullet! Ouch.
Another little fat-moment I had was when I decided against going out to lunch. In protest, I decided I was going to swipe a piece of candy from the receptionist's desk. Oh it was hard to decide!
I took a miniature milky way. As I was holding it like Gollum held his ring (myyyy
precious!), I took the smallest nibble as if to savor every single fleck of sugar.
Then it hit me. It tasted funny. Odd. I took another tiny nibble. Yuck. I threw it
away. Me?!?! Throw away perfectly good chocolate?!? Never!!! I did this time!
Guess some changes for the better are happening.

Who knew?!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

W. T. F.

Riddle me this friends....

How the frick does one gain 1.5lbs overnight while on a liquid diet?????? I'm beyond frustrated!!!! Last night I did have a shake right before bed. Do you think that could have messed up the scale?? Idk, I'm just ticked off about. Surely that one tiny bite of lasagna didn't cause this. If I would have known this would happen, I would've eaten the whole damn piece. Grrrr.

It doesn't help that DH had to work overnight last night and right before he left, our AC decided to head south. So it was 83^ in the house last night, he wasn't there to at least try to fix it (again) and it was impossible to sleep. Oh, but when I stopped coughing enough to finally fall asleep, I freakin overslept by an hour!!!! Grrrrrrrr

Thankfully the bosses are out of pocket for the rest of the week and my job is pretty flexible anyway... But still. I hate being late.

On a good note, my Dh just called from the house and he said the AC is working just fine. We'll see if that's the case when it gets to be over 100^ like it's supposed to. It was working fine yesterday morning too, so I guess we just have to wait & see.

Anyway, so that's been my morning. :(. I need a hug. I was in such a hurry this morning, I even forgot my jello. :(. Woe is me. Jk

Just needed to blitch (that's T speak for 'bitch on my blog').

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

This sucks & I'm hungry

You know, I thought this whole not eating thing was supposed to ease up around days 3 & 4. Why is it day 6 and I still want to eat my arm, the couch, and my kitties?? Head hunger? Check. Tummy Hunger? Check check. Just plain 'give me a freakin cheeseburger before I go postal on your ass' hunger?? Check check check.

I'm SOOOOO over this.


As you can see, I added a new ticker above. Now, from the looks of it, according to the DK's scale, I've only lost three pounds. Even though, from mine, it looks like I've lost 11.5lbs. Why is there a difference, you ask? That's easy. It's called I was weighed at my initial consult with DK in April and not weighed again until yesterday when I went in there to exchange the yucky Strawberry shakes. What happened since April?? I'll show you:

They are called the last supperssssssssssssssssssssssssss. Plural.

That, my friends is what caused this:

Those pics were taken on Starvation Day 1. Ugghhhhhhh

Monday, June 21, 2010

Forgive me Bloggers, for I have Sinned

Dammit Dammit Dammit.

Took a bite of....

You guessed it.

The Damn Devil Lasagna.

There. I confessed. It won't happen again. I was weak. I've moved on. So should you. :>

Starvation: Day 7

Did you see my weight ticker?!?! Down 11lbs!!! Whooo hooooo!!! I was greeted this morning by a




And, I resisted the lasagna!!!!! It was hard since I fed my daughter some and how easy it would have been to sneak a bite!! But that's the thing. It wouldn't have been just one bite. It would have been the bowl. And then another. I've worked too hard to start from the beginning again. To cleanse my body of all the crap again. Nope, not gonna happen!

I'm almost done with this large pre-op hoop!! I'm starting to gather everything for my surgery NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!! To all you banders reading this, do you have any must-haves or words of wisdom?!? TIA!!

I hope everyone had a fab Father's Day!! A week from today I will be less than 24hrs away from my new birthday!! I can't wait!!! Helllooooo shopping!!! Oh, speaking of shopping. I keep these "sisterhood" posts and wondering how that works?!?! I'm only 5'1 so are there any short gals in the hood?!?! :).

Sunday, June 20, 2010


Followers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Awesome!!! If I'm not following you, please leave me the link to your site and I will return the favor!! :)

I LOVE LOVE LOVE comments, so please come out of lurkdom and say hi! I won't bite. ;)

Starvation: Day 6

So I missed day 5. Sorry. Nothing new to report. Here is a list of stuff I learned thus far:

Optifast still sucks.

I'm still holding at 254, for two days now. WTH?!

Apparently my body doesn't want to let go of the fat. I'm pretty sure I burned more calories than I consumed yesterday, so shouldn't the weight just be falling off???? I'm rather bummed about this. Ya, I've lost 8lbs, but really?! Shouldn't it be A LOT more???? Yesterday, instead of 5 shakes, I only consumed 3. I know, I know, I shouldn't do that. It won't happen again.

The first shake of the morning always gives me diarrhea. Again, WTH?!

I'm not sure if I spelled diarrhea right, is it one R or two? Diarhea? Nah, must be 2.

The weekends are hard to abstain from going out to eat. Ever since I was a kid, the weekends were the time we ate out. Running errands, grab a bite to eat... Grocery store for the week, stop and pick up dinner on the way home. Guess that's a habit that needs to stop. Although, I wouldn't say I cheated, but P2 and I went out shopping for Dad's day. I was hungry (I had a shake before we left, and I had bottles of water with me), she was hungry, and I needed to change her diaper. So we went to this soup and salad place. I got the chicken noodle soup. I ate the broth and after she ate her veggies, she ate the good stuff. It worked out well, but I'm sure it wasn't 100% allowed. I'm OK with it. Sidenote- It was good! Damn good!!!

Sonic Raspberry Unsweet Tea isn't that bad without rat crack (my term for Sweet N Low). It wasn't hard to fight the urge to get something to eat at Sonic because I don't eat there at the advice of my DH... Dirty kitchens in our area. YUCK. So, I left with a large happy hour tea for less than a $1. :)

I didn't win the St. Jude Hospital dreamhouse giveaway. :( Yes, I really thought I would win. :>

I learned I really have a good husband. Let me rephrase that. I always knew I had an awesome hubby, but yesterday he proved it yet again. I was in a mood (HUNGRY) and just was getting irritated with him and his inability to get his butt moving in the morning so we could get done what we needed to for the day. Well, I snapped and went off on him and not once did he get irritated with me. He knew it would be better to just keep his mouth shut. lol (love you babe! Happy Father's Day!)

I'm sick. Yesterday I woke up with scratchy throat and last night I couldn't stop coughing. Ugghhh. It better be gone by the 29th.

So that's that. I hope you all have a great Father's day with the dads in your life! We're off to my inlaws for the day. Pray for me. My MIL is making her wonderful lasagna. :(

Friday, June 18, 2010

Beautiful Blogger Award! Yae me!!

Jenny, over at her blog awarded me The Beautiful Blogger award!! That made me feel EXTRA special today, so thanks a bunch, Jenny!

Now, I guess I need to tell you all 7 unknown facts about yours truly! Then I get to pic 7 others to share the love!! :)

Random Fact #1- When I was little, I wanted to open a shoe store and a Taco Bell in the same building. They were my two loves. Totally true.

Random Fact #2- I absolutely love love LOVE me some Josh Groban. Something about that man just makes me melt. His voice. His charm. His sarcasm. He's husband #2, he just doesn't know it yet. ;)

Random Fact #3- Don't judge me: I know all the words of every song in High School Musical 2 AND 3, and I love them. I listen to them even when my 7yo isn't in the car!!

Random Fact #4- When I was a freshman in HS, I witnessed a homicide while walking home from school, so I had to go down to the station in a cop car and I was interviewed in one of those little bitty rooms that you always see on CSI. Interesting.

Random Fact #5- Somewhere in my old stack of pictures, I have a picture with Angelina Jolie when we were both 14. I paled in comparison even then. Sigh.

Random Fact #6- I'm obsessed with purple and butterflies. If it's purple and has a butterfly, I'm buying it.

Random Fact #7- I sing and have been in many musicals! My dream role is The Narrator in Joseph. When I'm thin, I'm going to audition for that role & I better get it!!!

Now I have to choose 7 other nifty bloggers. Fellow bloggers, I choose you:


Starvation: Day 4

Yesterday was ok. Got hungry around 2-3pm. I mean, chew my arm off hungry. I had a shake and it passed. Before I went home, p2 and I went to the store in preparation for the weekend. I bought some more SF Jello, some SF pudding, some SF popcicles, and some low sodium chicken stock. Yummmmm Yummmm.

I had my first NSV (non-scale victory) this am. A pair of jeans that didn't fit two weeks ago are on my hiney right now! ;). The scale hasnt budged much, but down IS down, right?!? ;)





Can I get a witness?!?! Woot!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Day 2- pre-op appt

This morning, I was greeted with a pleasant surprise:





So that made me happy! Now, as I type, I'm waiting at the hospital for labs, EKG, and chest xrays. Good times.

I got lost getting here. I'm rarely come by myself to this part of town, so I was a little turned around. 40 min late. Whoops! I called so they knew I was at least trying!

Anyway, since they are doing labs, I'm fasting. Which is nice medical speak for "would kill my own cow for some food right now".

Ttfn my peeps!


Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Damn, I want a cheeseburger

This whole 'not eating' thing sure is a bitch. I'm hungry. Badly. Since this concludes my first day of not eating, I thought I would jot down a few notes titled...

"What I've learned today..."

Vanilla shakes are tolerable.

Strawberry shakes SUCK.

Wish I had some chocolate, but the office was out. I digress....

Head hunger, I'm learning, is a sneaky little naughty.

I won't wither away if I miss a meal, or 3. (or will I?!? More on that later!)

Stay out of the breakroom at lunch when the masses are coming in with everything from Sonic to KFC (I had a homicidal thought when a co-worker came in with chicken and biscuits for lunch.)

It's HARD to feed your baby her food without wanting to take a nibble, even the spinach.

I have a very sweet DH who called to see how I was holding up, and who didn't eat around me when he got home. LOVE HIM.

I've also learned, if you want to lose weight...just stop eating. I weighed this morning and again when I got home. The scale when I got home read...





So today wasn't a total bust. I was good though. Didn't cheat once. I still have two cats. hahahaha

Wish me luck for tomorrow.

Is there an App for that?

Does anyone know if there is a photo uploader for blogspot via the iPhone?? Sorry, I need to figure out how to post the pics directly from my phone!!

Day 1

Doing ok so far. I've only had two shakes for the day. 3 more to go. I'm starting to feel hunger pains, so I think it's time for another.

I weighed myself this morning.





Looks better that way.

I also took my measurements. I will post them when I get home. It was pretty shocking. But alas, if I was skinny I wouldn't be writing this!

Anyway. I wanted to snap a few pics... Clothed, mind you, for prosperity sake.

Be kind.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Did YOU just fart on me???

Do cats fart???? In my entire life...all 35 years of it, I've never noticed a cat to fart.

Tonight, I'm playing with P2's kitten. He's being sweet with a little sass added in for good measure and then suddenly I smell it.

WTF?!?!?! Did this kitten just fart on me???? GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now DH is calling him Sh*t butt kitty.


Goodbye Food

Well, tonight is the last night.

I feel like a friend is getting ready to leave on a plane and will never come back this way again.

I feel like I a huge part of my life is coming to an end and any joy that food used to bring me will now cease to exist. Forever. It's sad.


Depressing to think that food has come to mean so much to me and I how I have this feeling of impending doom that tomorrow will hold. A tomorrow of 800 calorie a day of Optifast shakes. Two weeks. Vanilla and Strawberry (they were out of chocolate.). A tomorrow where I will need to fill my tummy with sugar free jello and crystal light, tea, and water. Will my blood sugar drop so low (for me) that I become a raging bitch and become some psycho chick?! A psycho chick who wants to eat you???? LOL Oh man, what am I doing?? I know it's for the best. I really do. It's just I feel like my world is coming to an end. No more eating freely and not caring or worrying about what I'm filling my mouth with. Not caring how many calories it has or if it's going to make me fat. I'm going to miss the celebratory dinner events my family has for special occasions.

Sorry if this is all over the place. I'm tired.

I wonder how tomorrow is going to go at work. Still no one knows, except one confidant, of my plans. It sucks. I would like to tell some people, but it's too shameful for me right now. I don't know why. I'm not the kind of person who gives a rat's ass what others think of me. I guess it bothers me to share something so personal with them is because it will be admitting to the world that I've failed. Does that make sense? Anyway, just rambling. It's late. I will leave with a few goodbyes to my life as I know it.

Goodbye soda. Dr. Pepper. I love you, and you will be missed. Maybe one day I will drink you again...even if I need to let you sit out and become flat.

Goodbye Chipotle. I personally hold you responsible for at least 20 of my excess poundage.

Adios Braums. btw, your ice cream was fabulous tonight.

Goodbye Mexican food, my lover. hahaha I plan to revisit you some time in late July!

Goodbye fast food. You've been a real B to my health throughout my life. As much as I'm sure I will miss you initially, I know it's for the best.

:) Wish me luck tomorrow!!! If I seem a little snippy...well, it's cuz I'm hungry. :> Throw me a bone. LOL Literally, throw me a frickin bone!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

What a weekend!!

Got back from my scrapbook retreat about 4:30pm today and my what a weekend it was!! Got only 9 pages done (ya, I take FOREVER. Problem with a perfectionist with ADD! haha). However, I'm pretty proud of those 9 pages. When I get my pics all uploaded, I will post them.

Guess what?! Two of the ladies that I went to the retreat with have had the LB surgery. Oh, these were friends of a friend and I've scrapped with them a few times but didn't know the specifics of their weight loss. So in conversation with the two of them, I confided in them and told them the BIG NEWS. They were happy for me and think that I will do great! Here's hoping!!

When I got home last night (oh, now it's Monday! I was so tired I couldn't finish this last night!) my DH made me dinner. A fat ribeye and some enchiladas, beans, and spanish rice!! I wanted Mexican, but he had already thawed out the steaks, so it was a compromise. I couldn't eat everything, but I tried.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Oh FUN!!!

I'm having a blast here at the retreat!! If any of you scrapbook (or any type of craft really) and have the opportunity to go to one of these B&B retreats, DO IT!!!!! They are soooooooooooooo MUCH fun!!!!

I'm taking a break right now, but I wanted to show you a pic of one of my creations!! It's not a great picture but you get the idea! Oh, and the model is my baby, P2!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Retreat, you treat, we all treat for Retreat!!!

I'm getting the hell outta dodge this weekend!!! No kids. No husband. No worries!!! I'm going with 12 other ladies to a B&B scrapbook retreat!!!!! I'm sooooo excited!! This is the first time I will be away from my baby girl, and although I will miss her (them) terribly... This mama needs a break!!!!! So tomorrow at this time, I will be drinking margaritas and munching on gourmet food cooked by our own chef for the weekend!!!! Heaven awaits!!! :).

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Just can't do it

I don't know if I told you all about the boy shorts I bought from Old Navy about a month ago and how I was going to use them as a reference tool in my weight loss? Well, yesterday I had DH take some pics of me wearing only them and a sports bra (ala Amy W).


I recommend every fluffy chick out there take some pics of themselves in all their plumppy goodness and see how your perception of yourself changes. Well, of your physical self anyway. Talk about REAL EYE OPENER. WOWZA. However, when I was looking at it, I could visualize the smoking body that is underneath all the excess insulation!!

As much as I would love to share it all with you, I just can't do it.

I'm scared.



Don't want to end up on some undesirable website with everyone making comments.

It's so permanent (in a way) to show the world (ok, not really the world) what I look like behind clothes (and closed doors). KWIM?!

I'll revisit this again when I'm post band and start shredding the pounds. That way, I can always say "Thank God I don't look like THAT anymore. This is the NEW me!!"

I hope everyone is having a great weekend. I'm off to do some grocery shopping for the week. I always wait until Sundays to do it and it's always swamped. Uggghhhh That's what I get for waiting.

Toodles my peeps!

Saturday, June 5, 2010

JUNE 29th!!!!

I'm GETTING BANDED ON JUNE 29th!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP!!!!

Just in case anyone missed it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUNE 29th!!!!!

The pre-band Hell starts on June 15th, with Band University on June 14th. Good times!

I'm going to be so hungry for those two weeks. I'm really worried. If I go too long without food, I start to get all shakey and weird. Blood sugar drops, I get irritable, and I can't think straight. Uggghhhh. I'm pre-diabetic, but thankfully right now my sugars are staying in the normal-slightly elevated range. After I had P2, I misplaced my glucometer so I haven't been testing. Oh well.

Anyway, JUNE 29th!!!!!!!!!!! 24 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEEKKKKKK

Shopping Fool

I've always been a shopper. It's in my genes. I come from a LONG LINE of female shoppers in my family. It skipped a generation though since my mom HATES to shop. Anyway.... my grandma and my aunts are hardcore shoppers. In fact, I have a term for my grandma and her mad skills. Whenever I find a GREAT bargain, I mean, like practically free item, we refer to it as a "grandma bargain"!! She is famous for finding $70 pair of shoes for $5! Seriously...and speaking of shoes. They are her specialty. She is the Imelda Marcos of Santa Barbara! That woman has more shoes than she could ever wear for the rest of her life. In fact, my sweet grandma visited me and my family last weekend and what did she bring me? Shoes. Shoes that she bought but they didn't fit her right so she gave them to me! Oh, here's the great thing. Out of all her kids (5) and grandkids (14), I'm the only one that wears the same size as she does. So, guess who gets those shoes when grandma goes to sit with Jesus?!?! Damn skippy!!!! :)

So back to what I was saying? Oh, shopping. So, my stores of preference include JCP, Kohls, Target, Michaels, LB (for now), Old Navy, Macys, and Dillards. There are more, mind you... Anyway, so I always get ads for said stores and now I'm starting to get SUPER excited about clothes; EVEN MORE THAN NORMAL. LOL Being thin opens up a whole new ballgame where shopping is concerned. You could look at my closet now and see an S-Load of clothes and shoes, but being thin is going to be unlike anything I can imagine.

I'm glad I work outside of the home. Someone needs to support my habit!!! :) I CAN'T WAIT!!!

In fact, I saw this dress at Kohls.

I almost bought it. I LOVE IT. As much as I wanted it, I decided against it. My biggest problem was it was in the Juniors section. Me?! A Junior?! I never fit into the Juniors dept when I WAS a junior! haha So I thought it would be too far a stretch (goal) to even think that I could squeeze my ass in a Juniors' size dress. Oh what a goal it would be, but I don't want to get all crazy and depressed when I never get that small. So alas, it's still at the store.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Pre-Band Pic

Just thought I would share a pic real quick of the pre-banded me. This was exactly a month ago. Uggghhhhhh

Jillian Michaels

Had a bit of a heated argument at work today. It was between myself and one of my co-workers. We'll call him R. I like R. He's a nice guy...would give you the shirt off his back kind of nice guy. The other thing about R is that he weighs, if I had to guess, between 400-500lbs. Sadly, he's not the biggest person in our office. That award goes to D. She's probably over 550, easily. She sports a mullet and probably likes girls, but I'll stop right there about her.

So, back to R. We were in the breakroom and I mentioned that I watched Jillian's show last night. Well out of the blue, I got this lecture of the evil that is JM. How she's this horrible awful person who likes to degrade people and gets her kicks by making people cry. My argument was this: Several of the people on TBL and LI (the new show) need that tough love to get their asses moving. I said the contestants on that show KNEW what they were getting into when they signed up to be on TV. So for them to get pissed off at J because she rides them like a pony, is just ridiculous. Ya, of course she's a hard-ass and I know if I were in that situation I would probably tell her to EFF off too...but alas, I won't put myself in that situation. ;)

Anyway, so his reasoning was people (obese people) shouldn't be challenged like that to change their lives and they should be happy being fat; just like him. He's ANTI WLS (none of my cwrks know of my LBS intent) and he doesn't go to REAL doctors because 'they can't help him', which is code for "they all tell me to lose weight". One of the things he said to me was "ya, those people lose weight on the show and die two years later from cancer." That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. He would rather eat that cheeseburger to keep up his quality of life, rather than actually living his life, a longer life without the cheeseburger. KWIM?! So, for now he's content to keep up his current lifestyle. He's going to shit twinkies once he finds out I took 'the easy way out'. Ummm, ya...if my choices are death OR LBS, I choose LBS THANKS!!!

While I'm on kind of a rant on R...riddle me this, my blog buds....

What do you do when said co-worker asks you to fax something for him since the machine is a trek down the hall that he'd rather not make. Or, when he consistently asks whomever is going out to lunch to bring him back something? I would say that happens like 3-4 times a week with various people. Does it bother me personally? Not really since it's not interrupting my work, my routine, or what have you. BUT, I do feel like we're all inabling him to stay on his ass and not do ANY type of physical activity while he's at work. Sometimes I take the stance that it's none of my business and as long as he's not intruding on me or taking advantage of me, then it's not my problem. Ya know?! But, like I mentioned before, he IS a sweet guy and he IS a friend. Then again, part of me wants to tell him "get off your ass and fax it yourself!" $5 says he will treat me differently once I start losing the weight. Right now, I think we share this unspeakable bond, like some secret (or not so secret) fat club, and that I will be betraying him in some way once I'm thinner. Who knows...maybe not!!

I don't know....just rambling at this point. Guess I should go to bed. Thanks for listening, my peeps!