Days since Band and I became One

My Scale

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Define 'Bandster Hell' at 4wks out

Is it:

Feeling physical pain in & around some of your incisions?

Eating as usual, anything and everything?

Waiting for your fat clothes to fit looser on you, and, and, you're still waiting?

Watching the scale go up a pound, down a pound, up two pounds, down a pound, up four pounds, down a pound, up a pound, down a pound, etc etc?

Feeling like getting surgery to lose weight was the dumbest idea ever?

Feeling like you're the only person in the world who isn't losing weight despite being banded?

Eating three meals a day, with enough protein and taking all your vitamins and the scale still reflects poorly on you??

If your answers are yes, then I guess I am in Bandster Hell and...


8/11/2010 HURRY UP!!!!!!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Fill Can't Come Fast Enough

I can't wait for a fill. Right now I feel like I can eat EVERYTHING. This morning for breakfast I had two eggs, three pcs of center cut bacon, and some hashbrowns. I started feeling some tightness in my chest, but did I stop eating?! Nope. Dummy me kept eating. I did leave about four bites on my plate. That was a miracle in and of itself.

Yesterday, DH and I went to see Joseph. Yes, DH came. He decided he wanted a day with his wife, and I decided I was going to milk it! haha P1 wasn't too disappointed so that made me feel better. Her fave sitter came over so she was happy.

We left about two hours before the show started and I picked a restaurant we've never tried before. I order the Shrimp Brochette and it was AWESOME. Then we went to the show, which was ALSO great! Then afterwards we hit a Starbucks and a Barnes & Noble. I bought the girls some books too!

Here is some food porn for you!

Sadly, I was able to eat almost everything. See, I need a fill badly. :(

Thursday, July 22, 2010

I went to be supported

I went to my first support group meeting tonight! I really enjoyed it. I was the 'baby' of the group since I'm only 3wks out of surgery. It was nice to hear the stories of the people who have been around a while and have lost a lot. What made the meeting even better was that my surgeon actually attended!!! In fact, he participated a lot and it really said a lot about him as a person. To come in, in a t-shirt and shorts, looking like a regular guy (not the bazzilionairre doctor that he is in this area) and speaking with us little people. It was AWESOME and it gave me a better respect for him, as he really does care about his patients. :) It was an informative meeting. We talked about the different emotional stages that banders go through with the band. It made a lot of sense....although 'Bandster Hell' wasn't listed on there and we all agreed they needed to add it!!

Want to hear the good news?????

I stood on their scale, at 8pm at night, after working all day AND eating buffalo wings for dinner......AND I weighed exactly the same as I did in his office over a week ago! YIPPY SKIPPY that made my night!!!! Plus, you always weigh less in the mornings than in the evening, so truth be told I probably lost some!! YAE!!!!! I was SOOOO scared to step on it and find that I had gained 3-5lbs like my damn scale at home says. I think I'm going to shop for a new scale this weekend! :>

On a random note- My MIL is driving me BONKERS. This woman is nuckin futs!!!! She got DH and I some tickets to see MY favorite musical for our anniversary. She knows DH isn't a theatre geek like I am, yet she expects me to drag him there. Well, he said he would stay home and watch the baby and I could take P1 and have a day with her. FANTASTIC!!! So we told P1 what the plan was and she's all excited. NOW, my MIL caught wind that we won't need her to watch the kiddos and now she's all bent out of shape because she bought the tix for US and not for me and the kid. WTF?!?! Who cares what I do with the GIFT YOU bought US. Sorry but you shouldn't have any say in what happens to the gift AFTER its been given. Am I wrong here people?!?!?! It seems like we go about six months before MIL starts digging her nose into stuff that doesn't have anything to do with her. Makes me mad. What makes me even more mad is now DH is rethinking his stance and wants to make it a date for us. Keep in mind, my DH is SOOO far from a mama's boy that I don't know where this is coming from. Normally he would (in so many words) tell his mom to stick-it...but now he's having second thoughts. What pisses me off is that we already told P1 she was going and now we have to backpedal. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. What makes me mad STILL is that now I have to clean my house for their surprise visit to watch the girls, or a girl, or something. Grrrrr

I'll keep you posted. I have a day to figure it all out. Nigh-night my 35 followers!!!!! AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

3 weeks and revelations

Somethings I've learned since I was banded three weeks ago today.

In no particular order:

I have food issues, but I still can't pinpoint exactly what it is. I know I'm possessive of my food. As a kid, when I came into some money, I would buy food that was ALL mine and I would hide it in my room because I didn't want my brothers or my dad to eat it. As an adult, having my first well paying job and my own place (read: my own fridge), I could buy whatever I wanted from the store and I didn't have to share it with anyone. Even now, or should I say before LB, if I bought something special for me and if I found out my DH got into it or heaven forbid finished it, I would have a mini-meltdown. Don't know what that's about. Any professionals out there want to analyze me?!?

I eat really fast and it's a bitch to slow down and focus on my chewing. I also take huge bites. OMG, that has been one of the hardest things to do too. Take little birdie bites. It's just not happening right now.

The scale is a salty old broad and I dislike her every morning AND night.

Since I started my exercise challenge, and I've gotten on my elliptical TWICE, I'm finding that I use exercise as a license to eat. "Oh, I can eat this bag of potato chips. I worked out this morning." Yesterday was a prime example of give her an inch, she'll eat a footlong. LOL I had done my measley five min on the Elliptical (I'm going to call her Elli from now on. It's too much to type.) yesterday morning and by the evening I was starving. I had to run to the store to pick up some diapers, and when I was out, I had to buy my P1 some lunch stuff. I decided to buy one of those $.25 bags of chips, followed by a pack of the new M&M pretzels (YUM!), and then Oh LOOK, a FREE coupon for a Frappe at McD's! Who am I to pass up a free anything. I didn't consciously make the decision to be bad like that, but some little beast in my head was thinking there was no problem because "I worked out". HA. I'm going to have to work on that.

I've had a few NSVs recently. I have these super cute capris that, even though they are my size, have been incredibly tight the last few times I've tried to wear them. Well, in an act of desperation during a fashion crisis, I brought out said pants and attemped to squeeze my ass into them. Well slap yo mama, they fit with room to spare!! YEE-FREAKIN-HAW! You know what else is starting to hang on me?? My Pandora bracelet. I've noticed lately that it is able to sit lower on my wrist. CHA-CHING. :> Other than that...everything else appears to be the same. :/

I'm learning that this band really needs a name. Maybe once I get a fill, it will come to me...but until then, she will remain nameless.

Only two people at my work know that I'm one with the band. I intend to keep it that way until the weight starts falling off. Then maybe I will let others in on my skinny secret....oh I can't wait to have a skinny secret! ;) I also can't wait until the day when someone asks "have you been losing weight?". Oh what a glorious day that will be!!!!!

Kids say the darndest things, as do husbands apparently. On Sunday, my girls and I did a little retail therapy at the mall. I told my oldest that I was going to look into buying a swimsuit for next season since they are going on clearance now. Here is how the conversation went...OH, disclaimer. She's 7, and isn't PC in her terms...
P1: Mom, are you going to buy a bikini?
Me: Uhhhh (giggle giggle) probably not.
P1: How come?
Me: Errrrr, well, ummmmm, I have too many scars on my tummy now from my surgeries and I don't think they look that great.
P1: Oh mom, that's OK. Just tell people you were in a fight with an Indian and you won!

I almost peed my pants. An Indian (excuse me, Native American!)?? She couldn't have picked a tiger or a lion or something with Indian?! Really?!?!

Then tonight, as I was huffing and puffing on the Elli, my DH happily pointed out that where Elli is positioned, I could see the cross on the wall and be reminded that although I might be in pain, I won't be in as much pain as Jesus was when he died on the cross for my sins. NICE. :p We're not super religious folks, so again, I almost peed. hahahahaha He had a point though. :/ Oh, and I did find a two piece tankini. It's a size 14!!!! I'm ambitious. What's funny is that I tried it on when I got home. Now, I looked like a stuffed sausage and it did cause my hubby to holler "WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT!?", but the fact that I was able to squeeze into it was NSV!!!!!!!!!! I also bought a cute pair of petite denim short a size 12!!!!!!! (Also, one more revelation, I think the clothes are much more generous then they used to be!)

So with that my friends, I leave you. It's now past 11pm and I'm late for meeting my daily goal of being in bed by 10pm every night.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Day One of Exercise

I did 5 minutes on the elliptical this morning. Yae me. Yes, I know it was only five minutes, but five minutes takes forever when you feel like your legs are turning into jello and you feel like you're gonna die.

So humor me, FIVE MINUTES!!!!!

Now off to bed so I can wake up and do it again!

Nigh-Night Sweet Peeps!

Oh, here is a pic of me and my bay-bay taken on the 4th. :>

Sunday, July 18, 2010

The E Word


I think I've figured out that's the root of my problems. As much as I would like to blame my weight on my love of food, I think it really has more to do with my lack of exercise. Dammit.

I'm going to conduct a little experiment. Feel free to follow along readers and conduct your own experiment for sh*ts and giggles. I'm going to start moving my ass. GASP. (ya, I'll be gasping all right. Grrrr). My mission is do to something 5 days a week, alternating between walking in the evenings and the elliptical in the mornings M-F. I'm going to try to get my metabolism up and running because it's been on vacation far too long. Party over.

I will update soon and we'll see how much I lose in a week. Or should I make it a month? A 30-Day Challenge?? (I've been known to do these before! I once gave up fastfood for a month. Now THAT was hard.)

Wish me luck. If I keel over from an exercise induced heart attack, it was nice knowing you. ;)

Friday, July 16, 2010

Crap! I need help

I need some help, my crafty blogger friends!! I tried to change the background of my blog, and look.... I deleted the pretty background. I know how to get it back, but since I made that cute little header, I have a background to go with it and I can't, for the life of me, figure out how to get it set on blogger.

I tried Googling how to do it, but no go. I don't know how to write HTML and when I found some directions that half-way made sense, it didn't work!!

I tried using a photo hosting site to upload the photo and that didn't work either. Grrrrr.





Captcha- WTF?!

Isn't that what it's called when you have to type that stupid word to verify that you are a real person before blogspot will let you comment on a blog??

Maybe it's just me (I doubt it), but everytime today when I've tried to leave a comment, I've had to enter that nonsense word like 3 or 4 times. WTH?!!?! Anyone else having that issue?? It tells me that the word is incorrect and I'm like "Ummm, NO." Frustrating. Maybe Blogspot is just feeling special today. Sigh.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Release the Fat

I'm confused with this whole banding thing. I know I probably sound like a broken record (sorry to those youngin's who aren't familiar with that term. haha), but I'm just not grasping how I'm going to lose all this weight.

My reasoning is this:

I'm currently consuming a heck of a lot less calories than I was pre-op and here I am not losing anything. I've noticed that I get fuller faster and am staying fuller longer, but again....ZERO loss on the scale. WTH?! I'm convinced my body is rebelling against my efforts and refuses to release the fat. SOOOOO aggrivated & discouraged.

Getting a fill of 5cc seems like it will only make me more miserable and won't help the shedding of the fat, so I'm thinking what's the point?! Will that stop me from getting a fill? Hell to the NO, I just feel the need to bitch about something. :)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Two Week Check-Up

My 2wk check up was today. I was dreading it. I think I already mentioned that.

It went OK. Didn't last very long. My weight was the same as it was when I weighed myself there at the beginning of my second pre-op diet week. No change.

The nurse was kind of shocked when she noticed I had only lost 2lbs since April. Of course I had to set her straight and explain the free-for-all from April-June. So in all, I've lost 15lbs. I'm not changing my top ticker. :> I'll get back down...

ESPECIALLY when I get my first fill on August 11th!!!!!! The kicker with that is that my band will hold 10cc and the nurse said I would most likely get 4-5cc on my very first fill. Yes, MY FIRST FREAKIN FILL WILL BE 4-5CC!!! I think DK is insane, but seriously, isn't that a tad too aggressive for a first fill???? Veteran bandsters, I would love to hear your thoughts on that one.

The nurse said he likes his patients to hit their sweet spot ASAP. Ummm, ya, no kidding. So, in four weeks, life as I currently know it will be but a fond memory. EEK.

Anyway, so other than that, she said my incisions look good, the liver biopsy came back normal, and I need to take Vitamins D & B12. Other than that, I'm good as gold. :)

Monday, July 12, 2010

Day Before Surgery Pics

These were taken the day before surgery. Uggghhh

Pic Post!

Just a few pics of the 4th that I took!!

2 week Check Up Tomorrow and I think I got stuck

Tomorrow I go see DK for my two week post-op visit. I'm not going to get a fill yet, from what I hear. I am hesistant to go because I know my weight loss has been minimal. In fact, I went away this weekend and this morning I was up two pounds. I'm not going to worry about it. No fill, no loss, no surprise. Not to mention, I've gone two days without having a shake, so my calories has been coming from actual food.

I'll keep you posted. I'm dreading it.

OH- My stuck episode.

On my way home tonight, I called my DH and asked if he was making dinner. He informed me that he wasn't and that I should probably pick something up since we hadn't gone to the grocery store this past weekend. I thought chinese food would be better than a burger and fries. I was hungry. More hungry than I have been in a while. I was eating faster than normal, bigger bites than normal, and then I started to have trouble swallowing.

Then I felt the pain in the middle of my chest.

Did I stop eating?? No. I took a drink of DH's water, waited a second to see if it would pass and then I started eating again. Got another bite in and suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe. I panicked for a minute and then took another drink, stood up and stretched my torso and my shoulders hoping that would dislodge the chicken, or whatever it was.

Damn, if that's what getting stuck feels like, I'm not going to like that at all. It felt horrible. Thankfully I didn't get the slime and I didn't throw up, so I guess that's a good thing. Still though. That freakin hurt.

I'm going to have to rethink Chinese food again in the near future. Eeek.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

The Cookie Saga

I'm still here. Still got the band. Now having problems with my incisions causing me pain. They hurt. Especially one under there right boob region. When I stand up after sitting for a bit, if feels like someone has a meat hook inside of me and is pulling on the incision. OUCH. Don't know what that is about, but I hope it goes away soon.

It seems like these days I have more time on my hands. I guess when you're not eating, you find those extra minutes sure add up. So, I've been doing some thinking.
Thinking about food. How ironic. I'm starting to learn, or at least somewhat piece together, my triggers/habits/etc that caused me to be overweight my entire life.

Do you remember being a kid (or teen, or young adult) in the 80s and seeing those starving children from Ethiopia on TV with the flies all around them and their bulging tummies? Feed the Children. Remember? Well, my problem is wasting food. If there is perfectly decent food to be eaten, well then by golly SOMEONE better eat it. Oh? You don't want it? Sure, I think I can squeeze it in. Problem #1.

I grew up in the clean plate club. I had to eat ALL my dinner, because remember, kids are starving in Africa. That food costs us money and you're not going to waste it, I remember thinking. Now I'm sure my parents didn't say that in so many words, but the fact of the matter was, you took it, now you're going to eat it. Most of the time, I was happy to oblige.

So let me tell you about the cookie.

Often, my company caters in lunch for meetings. Last week, I think food was brought in 3 times. Sandwiches mostly w/salads, fruit, and for dessert, cookies. BIG COOKIES. Homemade cookies.

Exhibit #1

Oatmeal Raisin.

Notice there is some evidence of nibblage. I took it at lunch and was going to save it for later as a little snacky-snack. I did taste it, and was surprised that it didn't taste that great. ODD. Let me take another taste and see. Hmmmm, still tasted 'different'. Now the old T would have just inhaled it and gone about her business. Not the new and improved T. I just left it on my desk and thought I would try it again later.

It was calling me. I heard it. Begging for me to ingest the oatmeal sweet raisin goodness. So again, I did take another small nibble. Nope, still tasted funny. So I thought I would just bring it home to my DH, or worse, for my DD. There it was, still staring at me. Then I got to thinking that they didn't really need it either. Then I thought I should just throw away the cookie.

WHAT?! ARE YOU MAD, WOMAN?! THROW AWAY THE PERFECTLY EDIBLE DELICIOUS COOKIE?! That would be blasphemous. So there it sat, and I wrestled with the idea of throwing away a cookie. The thought crossed my mind that maybe I should offer it to a co-worker. Chances are they would have looked at me like I was insane. Afterall, it looked like a mouse had gotten ahold of it. I 86ed that idea. Again, I'm having this horrible internal debate. Imagine if you will, the angel on my right shoulder, the devil on my left.

Throw the cookie away.
NO, I just can't do it.
Eat the cookie then!
No, I'm not hungry and it's not appealing to me anymore.
Then throw the damn cookie in the garbage.
I CAN'T, there are children starving in Africa.


I took a picture of the cookie and tossed it in the trash.



I can throw food away. So what if I need to take a picture of it to make the separation seem that more bearable.

Ya, I'm pathetic. LOL

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Hot Mess, table for 1, your table is ready.

I ate.



(cowers head)

wait for it....

wait for it......

TWICE. (ducks)

I was starving, so I pushed the envelope. I ate half of a subway-like ham & cheese sandwich for lunch. (it was damn good). I took teeny-tiny bites and it took me 45min to consume it. I pulverized it.

Now tell me, did I just ruin my band????

Part of me is going to say NO. BUT, then I had a friend inform me that they give you the mushie phase so your stomach doesn't need to work to digest the food and therefore it won't disrupt the stiches they put to hold the darn thing in place.


WHY did I not know this BEFORE I stuffed my face????? WHY was this not plastered all over LBT?? More importantly, WHY didn't DK tell me THAT'S the reason mushies are advised???????????? WHY OH WHY am I such an idiot??????????????????????
Had it been explained to me THAT WAY, I can say I probably wouldn't have done it. CRAP. SHIT. Arrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh.

Someone, anyone, please tell me it will be OK???? PLEASE. I'm putting out an APB to all Bandsters....PLEASE tell me I just didn't f*ck up my band!!!!!!!!!!


So, my weekend..besides starving and being in a home where two briskets, two sausages, and one rack of ribs were smoking for the festitivies on Sunday...I refrained from a morsel. Yes, believe it. I did refrain. So on Sunday, woke up to my kitten jumping in bed with me. Or, little backstory. He's my baby's kitten. A great kitten. Almost 4mo old. Super sweet, but runs amok and fights with his older great uncle, my other daughter's cat. So, since they are indoors, sometimes we lock them in the garage at night. Their food, water and litter box are out there so it's cool. Anyway, so P1 let him in in the morning and he came to visit me in bed. Then I noticed something wet on my arm. After investigating, I found he's bleeding. From his tail. The end of his tail. The bone is sticking out. Over an inch of exposed bone is sticking out from his tail. W*T*F?!?!?

We start playing CSI and try to find out where this happened and all we find are some spots of blood in the living room. None by the cat door leading out to the garage. None in the garage. Nothing. Someone this kitten has managed to strip the fur off the underside of his tail and expose the bone without making a peep? Of course I start freaking out. He's just a kitty. It's Sunday AND it's 4th of July. Who is going to be open?? Luckily, a pet hospital opened up near us and they are open. Thank God. I call to bring him in, and of course he can't come until 3pm. So my DH takes the girls to the inlaws and I'm left at home to wait until our appt. Meanwhile, I run his tail under cold water, pour some peroxide on it, and further examine. Eeeewwwww. It was really gross, and normally I'm not a squemish person. This time it grossed me out.

Once I get to the vet, already stressing about how much it's going to cost and what they are going to do about it. They go on to tell me it needs to be amputated. SAY WHAT!?/!?!? The WHOLE tail, I ask??? Nope, just a few inches off the bottom. Lovely. How much. $400. OUCH. Just for the bottom of the tail. (visions of whacking off the whole tail and calling him a manx comes to mind, at this time. More bang for my buck. JK!!!!) So I tell them I really can't afford that, so they try to work with adding in other services while he's under. How nice of them. Grrrrrr.

To make a long story longer, I decided to give him the full overhaul. Neuter. Declaw (yes, I know. Hush). Shots. Amputation. All for the bargain price of $475 (which I put on a credit card. HATE doing that.) How is that possible, you ask??? Well, I had to pay for a wellness plan, and that ended up costing me $94 out of pocket. But wait, there's more. With this lovely wellness plan (aka, bend-me-over plan), I also need to pay $25 a month for the priviledge. For a freaking year. Grrrrr.

I'm happy to report that I have a very jacked up kitten home and happy where he belongs. :) I'll try to get a pic of him to post. Pathetic little thing.

So back to Sunday... once I had the vet stuff taken care of, I joined the rest of my family for a (sans) BBQ and firewords. Now, we're from California where their fireworks are "Safe & Sane". Now here in Texas, ours are UNSAFE & INSANE!!!!! But OMG, so much fun! I took some cool pics of the kiddos and I will post soon!! Super cute!!!

Anyway, so that was my weekend. This freaking sandwich revelation puts the cherry on top. I REALLY hope I didn't screw myself from here on out.

Well, I'm out. Hope you all had a nice 4th! Hope I don't blow my band out tonight and will get to talk to you tomorrow and tell you how I'm STILL starving. :>

I'm alive

Hey folks!! First off, 30 followers?!?!?! Awesome!!!!! I hope to keep you entertained!! After my weekend, oh you will be entertained.

I'm on my phone, so I'll keep this short and sweet! I'm feeling SO much better. What a difference a week makes. Which reminds, today it's my one week bandiversary! I lived!

So when I return, I'll share with you my lovely weekend that cost me $600 and left me with a tail-less kitten. :/

Ponder that.

Ps- he's recovering nicely.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Had enough fun, now I want this to be over: Bitch Session

Day 4 into bandster hell. I'm over it. I want life back to normal. I want my tummy not to hurt even when sipping water.

I don't want to be constipated anymore.

I want to eat without thinking if I'm getting enough protein or not.

I don't want another protein shake or protein shot. Those things are disgusting.

I'm done with chewable vitamins: multi and calcium. YUCK.

I'm done crushing my nasty, and I can't stress NASTY enough, medicine of mine. That shit burns going down, and did I mention how nasty it is???? I've been mixing it with a shot of juice, but it doesn't mask it enough.

I'm done eating soup, only to be full after two bites.

This full, achy feeling in my tummy is driving me nuts. Is this normal?

I'm tired of not being able to take a deep breath. Is that because of the gas?!? I've been walking and doing that breath blower thingymabob but it's not helping.

I'm pretty sure I'm permanently disfigured where my port is. I have this gouge/indentation thing going on. I'm afraid I'm going to have this two inch dimple in my gut. How nice. Arrrggg.

I'm done. I knew I would feel like this. I just want to cry.

But I'm not. I'm more pissed off at myself for doing this in the first place.
I know it will get better, but I'm done.

OK, bitch session is over. Carry on now folks, nothing to see here. :>