Days since Band and I became One

My Scale

Saturday, September 25, 2010


It sounds like you all are having an amazing time in Chicago!! I joined the bandwagon kind of late in the game to just fly all the way to IL and make my presence known. Most of you would be like "WHO ARE YOU?!?!?" Maybe next year EVERYONE will know ME!!!!!! bwahahahaha


So, what's been going on with me?! Oh nothing AND everything.

The band, I mean Edward Josh, EJ for short (I couldn't decide!), is really showing me what he's made of. I went in for a fill on Wednesday and besides bleeding like a stuck pig all over my pants (grrr), I'm now at a tight 6.2cc in a 10cc band. WHOAH RESTRICTION!!!!!!!!! I did my liquids like I was supposed to until Friday when I got the bright idea that going out to dinner would be a good thing. Needless to say, my 16mo old ate more of my meal than I did. It was challenging, but I think I ate enough calories that day.

This morning, I got stuck. The pisser?? It wasn't on damn food.

Backstory- I've been a real bitch lately. I mean like, HORRIBLE. I mean like scream at my family, cry for no reason, become super pissed off at EVERYTHING with a pulse type of bitch. My reasoning...I self-weaned off my happy pills. Why?!?!? Oh it's the same song and dance. I *thought* I didn't need them anymore. WRONG. I'm finding out I need them more than ever now. This band game is such an emotional rollercoaster that being the slightest off kilter hormone wise is a BAD, VERY BAD, idea. What's made this week even more miserable?? AF is starting to deboard the plane and will be arriving very soon. BITCH.

So, back to what I was saying. Stuck. Yesterday, my DH went to pick up my rx scripts and this morning I decided to start taking them. It was around 10am and I hadn't eaten anything. I was getting ready to head to the store with P1, so I took my meds with a sip of water. Immediately I started having indigestion. Then it became downright painful. Be Calm, Be Calm...that's all I could think of to do. I found DH's coffee and was thinking the warmth of it would help dissolve the bastards lodged in my pouch. Nope, didn't really help. I was already out the door at this point, so I pointed my car in the direction of the closest StrBcks and get a coffee. The first gulp was whip cream and OMG did it add to the pain. I then started the sliming and the pre-hurl wave of nausea came over me. I got off the freeway and pulled off to the side of the road. I wasn't about to barf all over myself in my car...again (this one time, in college.... ;)) Once I pulled over, I really started drinking the coffee and doing all kinds of sidebends, arm reaches, etc etc to work the devil candy through. FINALLY, I noticed relief was around the corner. I started back up the car and continued on my way. Whew...what a close call. That was THEE WORST episode to date.

I'm scared for tomorrow. I'm thinking I might take the pills at night, when EJ seems a bit looser, and I will certainly break them smaller than they already are, and surely take them one little piece at a time.

My Other Half

On another DH has been DRIVING ME NUTSO!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

For the most part, we have a pretty good marriage. We've been married for over 8yrs and seem to compliment each other nicely. We've had our share of difficult times, but we've always worked hard to stay in love. He's a great father, and a great hubby most of the time. Where he lacks in some areas, he goes beyond in others. I'm sure I'm the same way. I know I'm not perfect. FAR from it, but here lately something about him is just pissing me off. It could be my lack of proper drugs, as aforementioned...but a part of it could be his lack of enthusisasm for my weight loss. He NEVER tells me that I'm getting smaller, or make the slightest compliment towards me...EVER. If he does say something, most of the time I have to solicit a compliment. Then in my eyes, it doesn't mean much because I had to fish it out of him. Know what I mean?! Plus, when I talk to him about ANYTHING, it's always met with a 'glass is half empty, or someone pooped in my glass' response. I'm getting pretty fed up with living with a debbie downer. Don't EVEN get me started on our sex life. That's an oxy-moron right there. That LIFE ended a while ago. Last night, in a fit of controlled rage....I finally blurted out that if he doesn't start having sex with me, I WILL be having sex with someone else. *SHOCKER*. I know, that was mean *see, told ya I was being bitchy*, and of course I don't have anyone lined up...but it just makes me SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO mad. I'm ALWAYS the instigator when it comes to frisky time. If I don't blantantly give him the green light, then it's like freakin' Death Valley here waiting for a drop of rain. NOTHING, ZERO, ZILCH, NADA. On a side note, our marriage has had that 'issue' from the beginning. My libido has always been way higher than's frustrated me for some time on and off. After a new baby, it totally evens out...but now since our baby is almost 17mo..MAMA NEEDS SOME ACTION.

Most intelligent people would assume he's just not into me...and I've given him plenty of opportunities to tell me just that...but he assures me it's not. He thinks I'm great, and getting better (when I twist his arm!!!). I know he loves me. I'm pretty damn positive he's not getting it elsewhere, so I don't know what the problem is.

Uggghhhhhh. Well, I suggested he make a call to the MD and see about having his hormone levels checked out. Could be he's lacking testosterone and that could be the problem. Hell, SOMETHING. I love my husband, very much, and I'm praying that with the rebirth of my meds (if I can get the damn things down) and maybe with some medical intervention on his part, we can sync this love thang back up!!!!!!!!!


That's all for the night. OH- Just kidding!!!!!!!!!! PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Since it's starting to cool off around here, I decided to nix the capris and start with jeans!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Seriously, V? SERIOUSLY????

Missing blogger alert. Where are you, Miss V???????????????

I'm in the 30s

Well, that's missing two little numbers. The 230s that is. I haven't been down there since I was preggo with DD#1 8 yrs ago. WOWZA. Yippy.

Hope you all are doing well. I've been a blogger slacker, as usual. Since school has started, it's been so busy at my house in the evenings. Dinner, homework, bathtime, playtime,chores, bedtime etc.... Heaven forbid if I have anything important to do. For instance, I'm going away this weekend. Another scrapbook retreat!! I'm SOOOO excited to have some T-Time, but have I packed yet???? Nope. I was going to do it this weekend. Too busy. Then I was going to do it last night. Nope. I woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat, so I figured going to bed early would do me some good. It did, I feel better, but now I've lost another night.

Why aren't I doing it now?? Good questions. It's almost 10pm and I'm not willing to destroy my bedroom (ie, cover my bed with a crapload of scrappin stuff) just to do maybe an hour of packing before I need to put it all away again so we can go to bed. Aint gonna happen.

So that leaves me tomorrow and Thursday. I'm supposed to leave on Friday morning, but it's looking like Friday afternoon. It's OK. I have some projects in mind so that makes me feel more organized.


I don't think I've mentioned it before, but I have a small semi-business that I do. Besides being a consultant for Close to My Heart, AND having a full-time job, AND raising two kiddos, I also run a boutique specializing in flower clips/headbands/barrettes for babies, handmade gifts for mom & baby, and custom invitations and announcements. I have a FB fan page. Send me an email if you'd like to become a fan! You must be following my blog though! ;) So, those are some projects I have to work on when I'm at my retreat!


So- I've got a question for my fellow bandsters. When did you really start to notice that you were getting smaller? Also, when did you finally get your 'head into the game'. I know I'm losing, but in my mind, it's not fast enough. Or, it's not showing enough to me, or anyone. I can tell in my pics, but what gets me about that is my clothes; they still freakin fit. I wasn't squeezed into them before either, at least I didn't think I was. I just feel like I'm in this perpetual state of self-sabitage (sp?!).

For instance, I'm convinced that 8lbs loss in two weeks was a miracle from God and it will NEVER happen again. I'm convinced the band is just not working and this weight is going to stay around forever. I feel like I'm going to need to lose 50 effin pounds before anyone will notice on their own. Don't even get me started about losing inches. I haven't checked them recently because the last time I did there was no change. If anything, a few of my body parts got larger. WTF!?!? Oh, and when will my freakin DH notice on HIS OWN without me having to point out that my pants have surprisingly gotten longer on me. MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Uggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Yep, I have issues.

I know the horse has been dead for a while, but I'm really disappointed in myself and I only have myself to blame. Uuughhhhhhhhhhhh.

That's it for this evening. I'm going to have some cheese with my whine..... ;)

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Josh or Edward?

It's time my band got a name.

I decided to make my band a male. I reserve the right to change my mind later, but for now he's a he!

Now, onto the names!


My Josh Groban. Have I mentioned how much I love this man??? Ya, he's kind of a skinny, peeblo and SO not the type of guy I would normally date, but something about this man makes my heart go pitter-patter!! His voice, his musicality, his smartass's just awesome!!! I love him so much, my oldest male cat is named Groban and in P2's room, there is a quote from one of his songs in vinyl on the wall. Yes, I love him and in a few months his new album is coming out & he just previewed a new single today too!! WOOT! Woot! (it's a day of WOOTS.)


As in Edward Cullen. No, not Rob Pattinson (although I would take him too!), but the fictional Edward from the mind of Stephenie Meyer. The written word Edward.
A few examples-

"If I had found you, there isn’t a doubt in my mind how I would have proceeded. I was that boy, who would have — as soon as I discovered that you were what I was looking for — gotten down on one knee and endeavored to secure your hand. I would have wanted you for eternity, even when the word didn’t have quite the same connotations."


"But if you ever bring her back damaged again — and I don’t care whose fault it is; I don’t care if she merely trips, or if a meteor falls out of the sky and hits her in the head — if you return her to me in less than the perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs. Do you understand that, mongrel?"

The Edward who says the right things at the right time, who would do anything to protect the love of his life, the one who is romantic, sweet, poetic, protective, rich, handsome, etc etc. He is just awesome.

So there you have it. I'm leaning more towards Edward, since he's timeless. (ha! Timeless. Get it?!?! Ya, obsessed much!)

I'm not dead, but can I get a WOOT?!?!

WOW- Has it really been almost a week since I posted last? That sounds about right. This time of year it starts to get crazy for me and my family. In the next 7 weeks, we have 8 birthdays in our family! 2 of those 8 are my DH and P1. That makes for a busy (& broke) me.

So as I left you, I was ticked about the lack of graciousness I was being shown from certain individuals. I've since talked to one of them and told them how I felt. I was assured my good deed wasn't in vain, which made me less bitter. I'm still slightly peeved that it was ever an issue, but it is what it is.

Now, for what's been going on with me and the band. He's ROCKING (yes, he's a HE. More on that in another post!). Today was my two week fill appt and I am FREAKIN pleased to announce.....








CAN I GET A WOOT????????????????????????????????????????????

I was hoping for a 3.5lb loss, so I was completely floored when she said I've lost 8lbs in two weeks!!!!! HOW FREAKIN AWESOME IS THAT?!?!? I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!! So now I'm stoked to officially know that 1) my scale is 4lbs heavier than DKs, 2) this band IS actually doing something, and 3) I lost 8lbs in two weeks!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say, they were happy with my progress so I didn't get a fill. We (yes, WE) agreed to leave well enough alone and see what happens when I go back in two weeks.

So that's that! I hope you all are well and now I'm off to catch up on your blogs!!!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Thousand Word Thursday

Amy over at Babbles of a Bandster has a new Thursday idea for us...

Here it is in her words:

I'll post a subject on Wednesday, of which you should post a photo that relates on Thursday. Label your post "Thousand Word Thursday" or something to that effect. The photo can be new, old, or somewhere in between. And of course, you are welcome to use actual words to describe your photo! It's that simple!

Without further adieu, our first Thousand Word Thursday subject is:

Let's celebrate our own beauty and how wonderful we all look with a photo of your favorite feature.

Here is mine.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

They are what matter most

Thank You, Sisterhood (Amy!)

I received my package today, my FIRST package, from the Sisterhood. O. M. G. was I totally blown away by the generosity of others!!! I can't thank you enough, Amy, for sending me all those fabulous clothes!!!!!!!!!!! I thought I would be getting a few pairs of pants, and a few shirts...but I wasn't expecting 20 freaking pounds of clothes!!!!! I know that must have cost a lot to ship, but I sincerely thank you, and the rest of mah-sistas for their donations!!!! I will certainly be passing them on when they have outgrown me. Thank you again, Amy!! YOU ROCK!!!!

Speaking of the generosity of others. I've been having an issue today, and what better place to rant then here.

I like to think I'm generous and have a big heart. I'm not going to toot my own horn, but I like helping people out and I really hope that it's perceived as genuine when I express my gratitude for when someone does something nice for me. Does that make sense? With that said, I've been upset these last few weeks because of the lack of gratitude some friends/relatives have expressed towards something I did for them. No, I don't expect a grand gesture, trophy, or the like. But is a simple phone call too much to freaking ask???? I mean, if someone sends me something out of the blue, you can bet your ass I'm going to be picking up the phone in at least the same friggen week to say "THANK YOU".

What is wrong with some people????

I've since removed it, but do you all remember when I posted something about doing a random act of kindness for a stranger a long time ago?? Well, that whole thing came to fruition and ended up being a great success that yielded the recipient something wonderful. Did I get a note of thanks? A phone call telling me how grateful they were? Nope. Yes, I think I spoke with them, but it took me calling. How effed up is that? You would have thought I would learn.

When will I learn?

I don't do nice things for people with the hope of praise and acknowledgment, but really...if someone DOES do something nice for you...isn't it f*cking common courtesy to extend a freakin' THANK YOU???

My brother: I mailed him a package for his kids. Granted, I'm not the best aunt for remembering birthdays (they are out of state. No excuse, just saying), but I do send things when I can. Well, it wasn't anything major. Some swim trunks for the boys and an outfit for my neice. Do I get a call telling me thanks? NOPE. A text? Nope? Anything?? Nope. I talked to my mom who mentioned that my bro told her he got a package from me. That was it. WTF?!?! Now, I kind of expect it from my family....sad, but true. But it's friends, or so-called friends, that get my goat. By their lack of graciousness, it's almost as if there is a sense of entitlement on their part. Does that make sense?

Maybe I'm just PMSing (yes, AF is visiting, the bee-otch) so I'm extra emotional....but I'm just tired of being 'nice' and feeling like I'm being taken advantage of.

Can you really feel taken advantage of when they aren't soliciting the gestures? I don't know, but I do.

I don't know why, but it's coming to my attention that I do go out of my way to make people happy and I wonder if, in some twisted way, it has to do with my weight and need for acceptance??? That's hard to agree with because anyone who really knows me will know I don't need to be accepted by anyone. I am what I am, and if you don't like it you can kiss my ass. THAT is my attitude. So where does this complex come into play where I go out of my way (in time, energy, money, etc...) to do something nice for someone?? My DH always tells me I do too much for people, but I think nothing of it. I do it because it makes me happy. Period. But then why do I get so upset when they don't seem grateful???

It's rude. Very rude.

The moral of my rant? If someone does something, ANYTHING, nice for you. Call them, write them a note, SOMETHING, ANYTHING to let them know you appreciate them.

That's all I want.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

PS- The pain from eating is lessening, the scale seems to be SLOWLY moving in the right direction and I'm finally starting to notice my clothes fitting better. Yae for small favors.