What do you know about a dialated pouch?!?

Who is that girl?! This was taken a few weeks ago when we went camping with the family. Me? A camper? Not so much, but we still had fun!

So in all my 71lbs loss glory (WOOT!!!), there has to be a dark cloud hovering nearby, right? Well mine is called a dialated pouch. I guess I'm at the upper end of normal and the PA at DK's office told me I need to 'watch it'. Uh-ya. OK. Watch what?! Apparently she seems to think I'm eating too much, therefore stretching out the pouch to almost the width of my band. Sometimes I can barely eat anything, while other times I can eat two tacos from my fave place. I don't know what's going on.

I try to listen to my body when I'm eating. At the beginning of a meal, I can take 2-3 bites and feel normal. About the 4th-6th bite I start to feel fuller. Almost tight. If I wait a while I feel like I can slowly start again. Then a few more bites and I start to feel restricted again. Now here is where I think I go wrong. If I keep eating, I start to feel better and feel like I can eat more, so I do. Sometimes. Other times I quit while I'm ahead.

Since I'm now 'watching it', I stop when I feel that restriction and I don't push it. I guess it's working because the scaled finally moved a few lbs from last week and I'm resting at 191.5!!

I have an interesting NSV to share. I was shopping with P1 on Saturday and we were at JCP in the kids dept. We ended up in the plus sized girls dept and I found an 18.5plus size dress. It totally looked like it would fit, so I decided to try it on. Guess what?! IT FIT!!!!!! Now, it didn't look good by any means, but at least it fit. GIRLS DEPARTMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOWZA!!!!!!!!!!!

Another NSV- Strappy sandals with a 2 3/8 wedge heel!!! They fit, they aren't W, and they are super cute!!! See!

Well, that's it for the night. I hope you're all well and rockin' your bands!

Hey There, Hi There, Ho There

Howdy Party People.

I'm alive, aliveeeeeeeeeeee.

I'm also sporting 195.5 this AM FINALLY broke down past the 197 mark. I was getting pretty ticked off there, but alas...the scale humored me today. Tomorrow is official weigh-in Friday. I'm hoping the popcorn I just devoured doesn't do me wrong. :/

Anywho- It's been an interesting two weeks. Nothing major to report about, just some observances. My behavior when it comes to food and weight loss completely baffles me. I'm learning that what that scale says morning after morning determines how I eat for the day and how I feel about myself. Should the scale have that much power over me?

What's even more weird is this: I lose a pound and think "that's awesome T, you CAN eat that ice-cream you've been wanting". OR when I gain a pound, it's "Ah crap T, what the Eff?! Might as well eat that ice-cream you've been wanting". Either way, I'm getting that ice-cream. PATHETIC. It's my reward AND my punishment. Food is. WOW, how unhealthy is that behavior?! Somebody call in a shrink, or send her in this direction because this little one has some issues.

I've also learned that it's a major cycle of mine that when I'm losing and doing well, I'm OK (or relatively OK as I mentioned above). Heaven forbid though, if the scale budges an eighth of a pound in the other direction, I totally do a 180 and think that "well, you've already blown it...might as well keep eating and gain all your weight back in one day". Why on Earth do I do that?? What makes it worse is that I think I've given myself some false security thinking that I will NEVER be physically able to gain the weight back again. I need someone to tell me that they gained it all back. I need that fear. Right now, I have a bit of cockiness thinking I won't ever gain it back as long as I'm banded with restriction. Hmmmppphhh I'm a hot mess too (seems to be a lot of us going around).

In other news, I'm rocking a size 16 pants now. I've got some skinny jeans (ya, I know they're out now- but I'm keeping them!) that my aunt sent me from Forever 21. Did you know that F21 carries plus sized clothes?! Me neither. She sent me an 18 and a 16 and they both fit!!! ALSO- OH and this is a good one. Do you all remember when I posted last summer about the size 14 capris that I got last summer on clearance? Well two out of the three FIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG. I can squeeze my ass into a size 14!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so excited when I was able to zip them that I hollered "FOURTEENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". My P2 was in the other room and came running down the hall to see what mommy was yelling for and she repeated it "FOURTEEN!!!!!!!!". It was so cute and a proud moment for SURE!!!

I remember buying those pants and thinking they would NEVER fit and here, they fit. Now I won't wear them in public anytime soon, but just to know that they fit and I could zip them is AMAZING. If I could just get my head in the game and quit trying to self-sabotage I would be golden!!

Here is a pic of my baby just because she's my Princess and I love her bunches and bunches. Doesn't she look like she'd make a perfect toddler Renesmee?!?! I think so! :)

197, why won't you let me go?!?!

I'm stuck.

I can't surpass the 197 mark. I get to 196.5 and then jump right back up. I don't know what I'm doing besides not exercising (I know.). I consume roughly 800-1000 calories a day. Never more than 1200 I'm sure. I don't drink my calories. I don't drink any soda. I don't eat bread or pasta. I don't eat candy in large quantities. I will have a miniature every other day at work though. lol Once a week I have an ice cream. I eat my veggies, protein and cheese. I do notice I don't drink that much water. I think I pee three times a day, maybe four.

Hmmm, now that's got me thinking. Maybe the fat isn't flushing out because there isn't anything doing the flushing. DUH (cue Charlie Sheen voiceover). Sometimes you just need to work things out via your blog and you will get your answer. LOL

OK, that's my goal for this weekend. I will drink water like a fish and see what the scale reads on Monday. This morning I was 196.5lbs. I promise to report back on Monday and see what it says.

On a great note- I added two more Scentsy girls to my team & I got my first fundraiser!! Sooooo happy!! I'm on my way to becoming a Director!! :) Want more info about this great company, send me a note! I'd LOVE to chat! It's trinscentsATgmailDotCom :)

BYOC- My first, I think!

Thanks Amy!

1. Are you a heavy or light sleeper?

I'm a mom, is that really a question?! I sleep with one ear open at all times! (I know that doesn't make sense, but roll with it...) When I'm out though, I'm usually OUT. Pre-band, I was starting to sleep really bad. I was constantly in pain because I couldn't get comfy on my back or sides. I was always tossing and turning trying to get into a decent position and it never worked. I would always wake up with serious back pain. Not to mention tired as all hell because of the numerous times I would wake up. My children are awesome sleepers (thank GAWD) so I'm very thankful that 99% of the time when I say goodnight to them, I know I won't see their smiley faces until the next morning. Now, if only I could get my DH to stop tickling me in the mornings. You want to talk about pissing me off and putting me in a bad mood. Somehow he got it in his head that if he doesn't tickle me and pester the holy hell out of me, that I won't wake up. I finally had to tell him last Friday that I had had enough and that I'm going to start sleeping with something sharp and I WILL cut him if he doesn't stop. He's lucky he has been good this week and has left me alone because I was only SLIGHTLY joking. :>

2. If I were made into a professor for a day, what would I give my lecture on?

Today's topic class is would women really choose Edward over Jacob, and why?

3. What's a skill that you've wanted that you've never had.

I would really love to learn how to sew. Although I suck at fashion (you've seen bits of my wardrobe), I think sewing home decor would be awesome.

4. Have you ever been in a real catfight?

Emily and I lived one house down from each other from Kinder through 5th grade. If you were to take all that time we spent fighting, I'd say we probably lost a year somewhere in there. She was ALWAYS picking on me. Talk about BULL-LLYY. She was the baby of three and I think she had to learn to fight back. Since I was an easy target, I think she took advantage of that. So ya, we were always fighting. Then this other time, in HS I think it was...no 7th or 8th grade, I was at B's house. There was another girl with us and we were watching a movie in her loft. Her parents were still at work. Well, I had to use the restroom and once I was done I tried to open the door and I couldn't. B thought it would be funny to hold the door and not let me out. Hardy-har-har. The first few minutes I got it. The next 5 I was starting to get pissed. Then after that expletives were flying and I started beating on the door. She lived in a townhouse and wasn't thrilled that the neighbors were probably hearing all the commotion. So of course she started getting angry with me because I wasn't playing nice. BITCH. When she finally let me out, the door flew open and the hair and nails started flying. It was ugly. I broke some nails and she was bleeding. Ugggghhhh. We used to be best friends, and although not as close, we still chat on FB. BITCH. hahahaha

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and blog land.

Week was pretty typical. I lost 2.5lbs this week, I did reach my goal of selling over $500 of Scentsy this month AND, drumroll please....2 more gals joined my Scentsy team!!! That wasn't so typical, but completely awesome!!!! I was born to be a leader, so Directorship here I come!!!!!!!! As for blog land, I've been better lately. I've posted like three times this week. Where's my cookie?!

More Pics

Eye-Openers. The left ones were taken almost a month after surgery, 7-23-10. The ones on the right were taken today (as I've labeled). A few days short of 7 months exactly.

This makes me want to cry. I remember taking that pic on the left and thinking I looked decent. I had lost a few pounds, so ya I was heavier, and here I thought I was the shit. OMG. Talk about warped body perception- Where others think they look horrible when they don't, I had the opposite problem. Thinking I looked good when it's SOOO obvious now I didn't. You know how guys use the term 'beer goggles' to describe a girl that looked hotter last night after a few beers than she does now waking up next to him, I totally think I had on thin goggles.

Now I know I'm thinner than I was before, but I'm no longer in that fat denial. I can see the work I still have before me. I just hope that when I do another comparison shot 6mo from now, my skinny girl now will be the fat girl later.

Who is this?!?

This photo on the left was taken almost a month before surgery and I have to tell you I was completely shocked to see how big I was. Granted, side shots are never attractive (nor are horizontal stripes, but I digress), I couldn't believe how large I was.

I just had to share. Amazing what losing 60lbs can do to change you.

Scale- You're Seriously Starting to Piss Me Off

I don't know what it is about me and the 200 number. My body just refuses to move past that gawd dang number!!! Again, history is repeating itself. I get to 197 and right then my body wigs out and says "OH NO 200s, DON'T LEAVE ME!!! We're SOOOO comfortable here and those 100s are all BITCHES!!!"

Uggghhhh, so frustrating. I was 204.5 this AM, which means it was 200.5 at DK's office. I just can't get past it!!!!! Maybe I need a slight fill. I've noticed I'm getting hungrier between meals and waking up hungry when I didn't use to be. I'm also starting to think about food again. You know, the thoughts of "ohhh, a ____ sounds really good with a side of _____" I thought I was past that, but I guess not. I tell you, it's a head trip getting past the 200s. Once I get to the 180s, I think the hardest part will be behind me. Lord, just get me to that dang number.

Hmmmm, other happenings.... First things first, I got a new Scentsy recruit today! WOOT WOOT! I'm 2 people short (and a few awesome sale months) of becoming a Director. I'm SOO close!! This weekend was also lucky and I scored some Taylor Swift tickets for my DD's birthday. Correction: Taylor Swift FLOOR seats!!! It's a surprise and she's going to FREAK OUT!! What makes it even more special is that my mom is flying out from CA to join us, so she's really going to love it!! I'm such a good little mommy. ;)

Anyway, so I'm starting to view others larger than me in a strange way. Well, that didn't sound right. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm looking at people I know differently. It's going to sound insane, but it seems like the more I shrink, the larger others are getting. I don't think they are gaining weight, they just appear to be bigger. Has that happened to anyone else?!?! My how your perception changes when you're obese and less obese.

What I'm also noticing about me is my attitude and no-nonsense tells-it-like-it-is mentality. I've always been ballsy, but now I've seemed to grow another pair!! Case in point, I was at Claire's of all places buying some headbands for my DD and her friends. The line was SUPER long & crazy and there appeared to be two lines to checkout. I walked up to the line and I asked a woman if this was the end. She said yes and motioned to the kids that were behind her. I could have sworn she said there was another line 'over there'. So I went 'over there'. As I was waiting for a bit, some Amazon blond teen and her shorter friend came up next to me. I said I was in line. Then they walked away and got in line behind the first lady. Anyway, long story longer, there was only one line. I told the first lady that I was behind her and she mentioned the kids behind her were with her. I said that's fine and I'm right here and I'm glad we're all in agreeance. WELL, the first lady checks out and then I notice Amazon blonde and her friend were behind the first lady. I'm thinking "where the heck did they get off jumping in line when I said I was behind the first lady". So anyway, when it was my turn I walked up. I had 4 headbands. Nothing major. Anyway, as I'm walking up I hear this "Excuse me, THEY are next in line." I'm shocked and look over at her and first lady is referring to Amazon blonde and friend. I said "no they weren't, they just walked up when I was already here" and she said "No, they are with me." I, in all my sassy-ness said "I'm sorry, I'm already here and this will only take a minute." She was shocked and couldn't say anything and I was bracing for it. I kept waiting for the "Excuse me fat bitch, blah blah blah" but you know what, she was speechless!!!!! hahaha Well, it turns out the headbands were mis-marked and not priced at what I thought they would be, so I ended up leaving and not taking them. But, in true T style, I said as I swaggered out "See, now I'm leaving & everyone is happy!"

Ya, I'm a bitch with balls, two pairs actually. :) Oh Lord help the world when I'm 140 and REALLY hawt & sassy!!!! My poor hubby! JK, I'm really sweet, sometimes. ;) I've never been one to be easily intimidated or shy away from confrontation due to my size. I don't see that becoming an issue in my future either!!