Quick Fix my Ass

I'm a part of a website for weight loss tracking & it pisses me off when people refer to WLS as a quick fix!!!!! I know it's just their insecurity, ignorance & justification to themselves why they haven't had it done- but it makes me angry!!! I wouldn't call struggling to lose 80lbs in 14 months "quick". That's not even 6lbs a month!! I wouldn't call shelling out thousands of dollars easy, either. What I really want to say to you people who think this is a "quick fix" is this:
This is not an effin cake walk. I've worked hard for these 80lbs. I made the choice on my own when I had run out of options. Surgery OR DEATH. If you're reading this, and your BMI is over 50- those are probably your options too. I was tired of losing weight on my own, only to gain it back. If you don't make a solid decision in your head to permanently & drastically change your lifestyle, you can lose 1000lbs and every bit of it will come back!!! I promise. This isn't foolproof either. Nothing is. But the success rate is much higher.

I mean, look at the biggest losers. Who hasn't gained their weight back?! Most of the winners have. We applaud them for "doing it the old fashioned way" and yet look down & feel sorry for them when they gain it back. Skinny people probably think " awww, if he had just said no to the cookies" and fat people really knew it was just a matter of time before it came back and we're thinking "keep your fat clothes, honey." Most of the time it does.

So, as I was saying. You can call this the quick fix all you want, but when you're tired of being sick & tired, come talk to me. Talk to any of us. We have nothing to hide and only support to give.


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Friday Night Bitch Fest. You've been warned.

I can't stand gossipy people. I really can't stand gossipy old hags who make it their lifes' work to be in everyone's business and 'get to the bottom' of whatever it is they're trying to uncover. Case in point, like how I lost so much weight.

Here's the answer:
NONE OF YOUR EFFIN BUSINESS, YOU STUPID BITCH.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Where did this rant come from? There is this woman in the office who was forever trying to 'crack my code' since she's been struggling with her weight. She sees me, who is younger, losing all this weight (albeit slowly) and she's made it her life mission to find out my secret. Since I'm not out of the fat closest, I tell people- Diet, exercise and portion control. If you get down to the nitty-gritty, I'm not lying. I limit the amount of food I'm shoveling down my gullet and I've lost weight. End of story, and that's all they need to know until I'm ready to come clean. What I don't like is the gossip that is flying around about how I MUST have had something done. Who cares if I have?! Is it any concern of yours?! I don't see what the big deal is. Is it really going to change how you view me?? I'm a freakin' co-worker, not your daughter or sister. Even then, who the eff cares. I'm alive. I'm in good health, I'm certainly not hurting anyone. What's the freakin problem?! Oh, I KNOW- YOU HAVE TO STICK YOUR FAT NOSE IN EVERYONES BUSINESS. Grrrrrrrrrrrr

OK, so that's beef numero uno. The second involves someone I know whom I've mentioned on here before. Another person I work with. Love him to death, but he's killing himself and we, as his fellow cohorts, are contributing to it. He's in his early 40s and probably weighs, if I had to guess, close to 600lbs. He's scooter-free, but barely. Where we come in, is that he's always asking us to go buy him fast food. Since I've lost weight (and he knows how because I told him out of rage one day when he was saying he would never do "that" because he's heard stories of horrible outcomes from WLS patients. Me and my big fat mouth had to say "Oh really?! Do i look all that bad, because I'm a WLS patient and I'm freaking WONDERFUL." That shut him up real quick, but I digress...), he doesn't ask me to get him food as often, but the others oblige him. We work in a multi-story building and for him to leave, he has to walk a bit. HEAVEN FORBID. WALKING. So instead of putting forth the effort, he asks us to do it. I can't help but to think we're killing him. I know I'm not the only one who is put out by it. I've talked to several others (who know about me- close confidants) who feel they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but they hate doing it. What's more sad, is that we have interns every summer. College kids that don't know a soul there, and he asks THEM to go get him food. Can you believe that?!?! Do you really think they are going to tell him no?! Maybe it's just me, but I feel awful for them. Other than avoid him like the plague, I just feel awful when I see people bringing him fast food. What would you do? I mean, part of me thinks and takes the stance of "It's none of my business and if I'm getting fast food, what's the harm in bringing him some too." But the logical side of me is thinking "If he wants to continue to kill himself, at least make him make the 30 steps trek to his car and back for a meal". KWIM?!
When he asks me if I'm going anywhere for lunch, I really want to say "Yes, I am, but I'm sorry I can't bring you back anything. If you want something unhealthy, YOU need to get off your ass and get it yourself." But I'm nice (HA!) and could never say this to my friend. Honestly, he'd give you the shirt off his back...he's just that type of guy. But I'm torn about how to deal with my internal conflict at the whole weight thing.

He also has people do stuff for him around the office. For instance, pick up faxes, punch the time clock, get him water, throw stuff away in the trash can (that's 4ft away from where he's sitting) etc etc. We used to have our printer down at the end of this long hallway. Well, now guess where it is. A mere 2ft from HIS desk so it's convenient for him. Maybe this is coming from a skinny girl (although I would never consider myself that), but when did being overweight become a disability requiring special accomodations at the workplace?! If he were coming into work drunk everyday or high as a kite, would the job being footing the bill for his habit? Would we put a wine fridge near his desk?! I don't think so....so why the moving of the printer? I don't know why it upsets me, but it does. We're watching him kill himself. That's the scary thing. We have a small elevator at the office. If he were to have some cardiac episode of anything requiring an EMT situation, it would be awful. I don't think they would be able to get him on a stretcher out the door.

Am I being a hyprocrite by bitching about the nosey nellie, and yet being the bitchy one by caring about what a co-worker eats or how he goes about getting it?!

Maybe I just need to worry about myself. Ya, that's probably it. :/

I DID IT!!!!

I'm down 80lbs today!!!!!! Almost 14 months to the day that I was banded! INCREDIBLE!!!! Now just 20 more til I reach the goal of 100lbs lost, and 40 more til my MAJOR GOAL!!! It's sooooo within my reach!! Thank you everyone for your support!!!! :)



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Another "I'm Alive" entry

It seems like all my posts are titled "I'm Alive"?! I guess when someone is on the PC all day long at work, the last thing they want to do when they get home for the day is log on the PC! I'm sorry I haven't been around, but such is life.

Here is a bit of an update of what's been going on since June. Geez, can't believe it's been that long since I've posted.

Anyway, so I decided a few months back that I was going to start singing again. I don't know if I mentioned that before, but in my younger days, I sang. I did musical theatre. I loved performing and just singing in general. I decided that I was going to find a voice teacher and start taking lessons once a week. Well, I did and they've been great. I did have an alterior motive, and it was called Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I love this musical. It's my favorite! The part that I think my voice is most suited is that of the Narrator! So when I saw that auditions were coming up in Aug for a local production, I knew I had to get my butt in gear to do it. Hence the lessons AND starting Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. I started the shred on 7/8 and have been doing it daily for a good 27 days. I defaulted the last 4 days and need to start it again since I didn't go the full 30. Anyway.....so back to my story.

This week was the annual Scentsy convention! Luckily this year it was in my home state, so I was able to make it. My first one and I was thrilled. OMG- SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun!!! I had a blast and we got all kinds of freebies! I love Scentsy!! But anyway, so this weekend also was my auditon. But, it turned out to be a two-step process. Dance audition followed by a vocal audition. Ummm, ya, I'm not a dancer by any stretch of the imagination. I can move, but I'm NOT a dancer. Well, yesterday was tha dance audition. I kept having images of Chris Farley compared to Patrick Swayze in that famous SNL skit about a Chippendale dancer audition between the two. Ummm, ya....I was Chris Farley!! But that's OK, I wasn't the worst up there, but lord knows I was FAR from the best. I did my thing. I stayed. I DID IT and that's all that mattered to me. THEN, they dropped the bomb and announced they would only call a select few to hear them sing. I believe they would call today, and my phone hasn't rang once. :(

It's kind of discouraging that they didn't even want to hear me, after I've practiced for months. But, if that's how they want to conduct the audition process, I guess that's their right. It doesn't mean I have to like it. If they were going by vocal ability alone, I KNOW I would be in the running. I CAN SING!!!! :)

Anyway, so back to my workout. Jillian Michaels is the devil in spandex....BUT I'm feeling so much better after doing this. I have increased stamina, I feel so much stronger, and I think I've lost a few inches. I took measurements and before & after pics, but I'm not going to note everything until next Saturday. I'm going to do it for one more week and then see my progress. I don't think I've lost any weight (I keep bouncing between 187 & 184), but I think I've lost inches. :)

So in all, I'm pretty pleased with myself and my accomplishments this summer. I set goals, I completed goals, and that, to me, is awesome!!! :)

Here is a pic of me from last week.

Here is another one. I'm second to last on the left with my Scentsy sisters (and brothers- or sisters hahaha).

What I love most about this pic, and it made me tear up when I saw it, is that I'm not the largest girl in this pic. I look 'normal sized' compared to everyone else and I LOVE THAT!!!!!

I hope everyone is well and loving life. Everything else is great...band is getting another adjustment this week. I'm at a 4.9cc currently and feel I could be a little tighter. I'm still hungry between meals, but nothing like I was a month ago. Now if I could just get down to the 170s I would be happy as a clam!!

Bandiversary Pics!!

Here is a little collage I made of me! The firsts were taken almost a month out from surgery and I was about 16lbs heavier prior to surgery! GASP!



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Happy Bandiversary to ME!!!

One year ago today I was lying on the sofa, probably watching TV and nursing my wounds. :) One year ago today I was banded and it's something I have absolutely NO regrets on!!!!

A year later, I'm down 76.5lbs and I've lost a ton of inches!!! It's just amazing how things have changed in just one short year!!!

My Stats (roughly since I'm not very good at measuring!)
Waist:
Then-48.5in
Now-39.5in

Arms:
Then-18in
Now-14in

Thighs:
Then-27in
Now-21.5in

Hips:
Then-56in
Now-47in

Bust:
Then-44in
Now-36in

Wrist:
Then-7in
Now-6in

Calves:
Then-19in
Now-16in

Ankles:
Then-11in
Now-10in

Neck:
Then-17.25in
Now-14in

Ring Size:
Then-10
Now-6.5

Here are some things that I'm proud of:

• I went from a size 24/26 in Womens to a size 14/16 in MISSES!!


• My feet have gone from a 7.5/8W to a size 6.5-7 regular!


• I went from a 46D bra to a 38C (not sure how I feel about this one! I'm starting a "New Boobs for T" fundraiser. You're all welcome to contribute!)


• I can sleep on my stomach comfortably and not wake up with my back killing me.


• I can sleep all night without tossing and turning because I can't get comfortable.


• I'm UNDER 200lbs!!!!


• I can get down on the floor with my kids and get up without feeling like my knees are going to pop off.


• I can paint my own piggy toes without needing a defibrulator(sp?) afterwards.


• I can go more than 5 minutes on my elliptical!


• I can easily climb stairs without needing an oxygen mask when I'm through.


• When I see pics of my profile, I don't believe it's me.


• I can curl up on the couch and REALLY curl up in a ball instead of a big lump!


• I haven't had a soda in over a year and I survived.


• I can now say 'no thanks' to donuts and cinnamon rolls (or at least to the WHOLE thing!)


• I'm under 200lbs!!!


• I can go to a restaurant and know I'm not the biggest person in there.


• I'm 36yrs old and I still get looks from men and it's WONDERFUL.


• Relations with the DH is amazing. ;)


• I'm under 200lbs!!!!!!!!!! :)

I'm sorry, I will need to post the before and recent pics later! They good collage I made is at the office. :( Sorry guys!

I hope you're well and loving life. I'm still dealing with dialated pouch, but I'm back on the wagon. I got a 2cc fill a few weeks ago, so I'm heading in the right direction again.

Although my journey hasn't been smooth sailing 100% of the time, and I've recently encountered some bumps in the road- I would change my experience with the band for anything. I honestly think my days would be numbered as I was on the fast track to 300lbs. Being only 5'1" (I always thought I was 5'2", so you might notice how I flunctuate in height on here! haha), it wouldn't have been pretty or fun at all.

If anyone stumbles upon this blog because you're considering the surgery, I can't say it enough. GO FOR IT!!!! It will change your life for the better!!!!

I suck

189. That's what the scale said this morning. Even though I won't record it until next Friday, the fact of the matter is I've gained three pounds from last week. It sucks. What sucks even more is that now that I have this freedom, I'm taking advantage of it.

Despite my daily walking/eliptical efforts, I'm still gaining and eating. It's awful. I've suddenly forgotten every band rule there ever was:
Small bites? Not hardly.
Chewing my food to mush? Ya right.
Not drinking & eating at the same time? Uh nope.
Stopping when I feel full? What's this 'full' word you speak of?

The few behaviors I'm continuing to do well is exercising & not drinking soda.

See what I mean though? I'm a mess. I feel like such a failure. It's almost my bandiversary and I wanted to be down 100lbs, but now I'll be lucky to be down 70 at the rate I'm going. (Not that 70lbs isn't something to balk at- but still, when the scale is moving in the opposite direction, it still sucks big hairy balls.)

I need to go back to see DK on Friday and I pray that I get some restriction back. It's obvious I need it. Hell, if I could have done it by myself, I wouldn't have needed the surgery in the first place. I can't help feeling like I'm going to undo everything I've accomplished so far and that scares the piss out of me.

I need help.

So now that I'm back...

I must share with you all the fun happenings from planet T.

First off, I'm out of saline. No restriction whatsoever. :(. For the last two weeks I've been having major reflux/ indigestion. Although my original visit with DK wasn't scheduled til this Fri, I knew I couldn't wait that long. I went in last Fri and they found that my pouch had dilated and I was on the verge of a band slip. HOLY SHEEP. Shocking. Thankfully I didn't wait until this week. Anyway, so they removed everything from my band, checked me under the fluoroscope and thank gawd my band went back to where it belongs. I go in in two weeks to check it out. I probably won't get a fill though. :(

I'm scared. It's shocking how quickly we revert to our old ways when given the chance. I said wasnt going to go all stupid and gain back my weight, but what did my dumbass do last night? Bacon cheeseburger & fries for dinner. :(. It sucked too, but I ate it anyway. Even though I went walking last night, as I've been doing every other day, I still feel like crap physically. What's worse is the guilt. I feel horrible. Like I gained 80lbs overnight. Uggh.

So that's that. I'm going to do better. I want to show DK that I'm not a complete failure and I can at least maintain my weight during this time. I just got a bunch of new clothes for my bday and I'll be damned if they're not going to fit in a month!!!!

Here's a pic of moi that i took on Monday. I'm at 185.5 this am (up from 184 yesterday. Dammit)



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I'm not dead!

Having a heck of a time trying to post on the site. Now I'm on my phone! Let's see if this works!


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Are you afraid the fat will come back???

That's what I've been afraid of here lately. Oh hi, I'm T- Remember me?! Not dead, just incredibly busy with life. Blah.... Hope you're all well.

So, as I was saying. I'm finding it difficult to part with my 'fat clothes'. I keep thinking that this is only temporary and I'm a twinkie away from needing those fat clothes again. (bad analogy as I HATE twinkies, but I digress...) I'm in serious need of some new clothes though. My bday is quickly approaching (my 7th annual 29th birthday!) and I think I'm going to treat myself to a shopping spree. Scentsy has been good to me, so mama deserves it! But still, I keep feeling like these smaller clothes are a novelty and I better keep the big stuff close at hand for when I need it.

Will that feeling ever go away???

On a brighter note, this morning I weighed in at a wonderful 187.5, which translates to DK's 183.5. WOOT. But I think it's a fluke because me and the girlies have been sick this week. Strep. Uggghhh. We've all been picking at our meals. I'll take a loss anyway I can get it though.

Anyway, my DH and I celebrated our 9th anniversary a few weekends ago and that pic, albeit anbad lighting pic but you get the idea was taken on our hot date weekend!. :)

What do you know about a dialated pouch?!?

Who is that girl?! This was taken a few weeks ago when we went camping with the family. Me? A camper? Not so much, but we still had fun!

So in all my 71lbs loss glory (WOOT!!!), there has to be a dark cloud hovering nearby, right? Well mine is called a dialated pouch. I guess I'm at the upper end of normal and the PA at DK's office told me I need to 'watch it'. Uh-ya. OK. Watch what?! Apparently she seems to think I'm eating too much, therefore stretching out the pouch to almost the width of my band. Sometimes I can barely eat anything, while other times I can eat two tacos from my fave place. I don't know what's going on.

I try to listen to my body when I'm eating. At the beginning of a meal, I can take 2-3 bites and feel normal. About the 4th-6th bite I start to feel fuller. Almost tight. If I wait a while I feel like I can slowly start again. Then a few more bites and I start to feel restricted again. Now here is where I think I go wrong. If I keep eating, I start to feel better and feel like I can eat more, so I do. Sometimes. Other times I quit while I'm ahead.

Since I'm now 'watching it', I stop when I feel that restriction and I don't push it. I guess it's working because the scaled finally moved a few lbs from last week and I'm resting at 191.5!!

I have an interesting NSV to share. I was shopping with P1 on Saturday and we were at JCP in the kids dept. We ended up in the plus sized girls dept and I found an 18.5plus size dress. It totally looked like it would fit, so I decided to try it on. Guess what?! IT FIT!!!!!! Now, it didn't look good by any means, but at least it fit. GIRLS DEPARTMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOWZA!!!!!!!!!!!

Another NSV- Strappy sandals with a 2 3/8 wedge heel!!! They fit, they aren't W, and they are super cute!!! See!

Well, that's it for the night. I hope you're all well and rockin' your bands!

Hey There, Hi There, Ho There

Howdy Party People.

I'm alive, aliveeeeeeeeeeee.

I'm also sporting 195.5 this AM FINALLY broke down past the 197 mark. I was getting pretty ticked off there, but alas...the scale humored me today. Tomorrow is official weigh-in Friday. I'm hoping the popcorn I just devoured doesn't do me wrong. :/

Anywho- It's been an interesting two weeks. Nothing major to report about, just some observances. My behavior when it comes to food and weight loss completely baffles me. I'm learning that what that scale says morning after morning determines how I eat for the day and how I feel about myself. Should the scale have that much power over me?

What's even more weird is this: I lose a pound and think "that's awesome T, you CAN eat that ice-cream you've been wanting". OR when I gain a pound, it's "Ah crap T, what the Eff?! Might as well eat that ice-cream you've been wanting". Either way, I'm getting that ice-cream. PATHETIC. It's my reward AND my punishment. Food is. WOW, how unhealthy is that behavior?! Somebody call in a shrink, or send her in this direction because this little one has some issues.

I've also learned that it's a major cycle of mine that when I'm losing and doing well, I'm OK (or relatively OK as I mentioned above). Heaven forbid though, if the scale budges an eighth of a pound in the other direction, I totally do a 180 and think that "well, you've already blown it...might as well keep eating and gain all your weight back in one day". Why on Earth do I do that?? What makes it worse is that I think I've given myself some false security thinking that I will NEVER be physically able to gain the weight back again. I need someone to tell me that they gained it all back. I need that fear. Right now, I have a bit of cockiness thinking I won't ever gain it back as long as I'm banded with restriction. Hmmmppphhh I'm a hot mess too (seems to be a lot of us going around).

In other news, I'm rocking a size 16 pants now. I've got some skinny jeans (ya, I know they're out now- but I'm keeping them!) that my aunt sent me from Forever 21. Did you know that F21 carries plus sized clothes?! Me neither. She sent me an 18 and a 16 and they both fit!!! ALSO- OH and this is a good one. Do you all remember when I posted last summer about the size 14 capris that I got last summer on clearance? Well two out of the three FIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG. I can squeeze my ass into a size 14!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so excited when I was able to zip them that I hollered "FOURTEENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". My P2 was in the other room and came running down the hall to see what mommy was yelling for and she repeated it "FOURTEEN!!!!!!!!". It was so cute and a proud moment for SURE!!!

I remember buying those pants and thinking they would NEVER fit and here, they fit. Now I won't wear them in public anytime soon, but just to know that they fit and I could zip them is AMAZING. If I could just get my head in the game and quit trying to self-sabotage I would be golden!!

Here is a pic of my baby just because she's my Princess and I love her bunches and bunches. Doesn't she look like she'd make a perfect toddler Renesmee?!?! I think so! :)

197, why won't you let me go?!?!

I'm stuck.

I can't surpass the 197 mark. I get to 196.5 and then jump right back up. I don't know what I'm doing besides not exercising (I know.). I consume roughly 800-1000 calories a day. Never more than 1200 I'm sure. I don't drink my calories. I don't drink any soda. I don't eat bread or pasta. I don't eat candy in large quantities. I will have a miniature every other day at work though. lol Once a week I have an ice cream. I eat my veggies, protein and cheese. I do notice I don't drink that much water. I think I pee three times a day, maybe four.

Hmmm, now that's got me thinking. Maybe the fat isn't flushing out because there isn't anything doing the flushing. DUH (cue Charlie Sheen voiceover). Sometimes you just need to work things out via your blog and you will get your answer. LOL

OK, that's my goal for this weekend. I will drink water like a fish and see what the scale reads on Monday. This morning I was 196.5lbs. I promise to report back on Monday and see what it says.

On a great note- I added two more Scentsy girls to my team & I got my first fundraiser!! Sooooo happy!! I'm on my way to becoming a Director!! :) Want more info about this great company, send me a note! I'd LOVE to chat! It's trinscentsATgmailDotCom :)

BYOC- My first, I think!

Thanks Amy!

1. Are you a heavy or light sleeper?

I'm a mom, is that really a question?! I sleep with one ear open at all times! (I know that doesn't make sense, but roll with it...) When I'm out though, I'm usually OUT. Pre-band, I was starting to sleep really bad. I was constantly in pain because I couldn't get comfy on my back or sides. I was always tossing and turning trying to get into a decent position and it never worked. I would always wake up with serious back pain. Not to mention tired as all hell because of the numerous times I would wake up. My children are awesome sleepers (thank GAWD) so I'm very thankful that 99% of the time when I say goodnight to them, I know I won't see their smiley faces until the next morning. Now, if only I could get my DH to stop tickling me in the mornings. You want to talk about pissing me off and putting me in a bad mood. Somehow he got it in his head that if he doesn't tickle me and pester the holy hell out of me, that I won't wake up. I finally had to tell him last Friday that I had had enough and that I'm going to start sleeping with something sharp and I WILL cut him if he doesn't stop. He's lucky he has been good this week and has left me alone because I was only SLIGHTLY joking. :>

2. If I were made into a professor for a day, what would I give my lecture on?

Today's topic class is would women really choose Edward over Jacob, and why?

3. What's a skill that you've wanted that you've never had.

I would really love to learn how to sew. Although I suck at fashion (you've seen bits of my wardrobe), I think sewing home decor would be awesome.

4. Have you ever been in a real catfight?

Emily and I lived one house down from each other from Kinder through 5th grade. If you were to take all that time we spent fighting, I'd say we probably lost a year somewhere in there. She was ALWAYS picking on me. Talk about BULL-LLYY. She was the baby of three and I think she had to learn to fight back. Since I was an easy target, I think she took advantage of that. So ya, we were always fighting. Then this other time, in HS I think it was...no 7th or 8th grade, I was at B's house. There was another girl with us and we were watching a movie in her loft. Her parents were still at work. Well, I had to use the restroom and once I was done I tried to open the door and I couldn't. B thought it would be funny to hold the door and not let me out. Hardy-har-har. The first few minutes I got it. The next 5 I was starting to get pissed. Then after that expletives were flying and I started beating on the door. She lived in a townhouse and wasn't thrilled that the neighbors were probably hearing all the commotion. So of course she started getting angry with me because I wasn't playing nice. BITCH. When she finally let me out, the door flew open and the hair and nails started flying. It was ugly. I broke some nails and she was bleeding. Ugggghhhh. We used to be best friends, and although not as close, we still chat on FB. BITCH. hahahaha

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and blog land.

Week was pretty typical. I lost 2.5lbs this week, I did reach my goal of selling over $500 of Scentsy this month AND, drumroll please....2 more gals joined my Scentsy team!!! That wasn't so typical, but completely awesome!!!! I was born to be a leader, so Directorship here I come!!!!!!!! As for blog land, I've been better lately. I've posted like three times this week. Where's my cookie?!

More Pics

Eye-Openers. The left ones were taken almost a month after surgery, 7-23-10. The ones on the right were taken today (as I've labeled). A few days short of 7 months exactly.

This makes me want to cry. I remember taking that pic on the left and thinking I looked decent. I had lost a few pounds, so ya I was heavier, and here I thought I was the shit. OMG. Talk about warped body perception- Where others think they look horrible when they don't, I had the opposite problem. Thinking I looked good when it's SOOO obvious now I didn't. You know how guys use the term 'beer goggles' to describe a girl that looked hotter last night after a few beers than she does now waking up next to him, I totally think I had on thin goggles.

Now I know I'm thinner than I was before, but I'm no longer in that fat denial. I can see the work I still have before me. I just hope that when I do another comparison shot 6mo from now, my skinny girl now will be the fat girl later.

Who is this?!?

This photo on the left was taken almost a month before surgery and I have to tell you I was completely shocked to see how big I was. Granted, side shots are never attractive (nor are horizontal stripes, but I digress), I couldn't believe how large I was.

I just had to share. Amazing what losing 60lbs can do to change you.

Scale- You're Seriously Starting to Piss Me Off

I don't know what it is about me and the 200 number. My body just refuses to move past that gawd dang number!!! Again, history is repeating itself. I get to 197 and right then my body wigs out and says "OH NO 200s, DON'T LEAVE ME!!! We're SOOOO comfortable here and those 100s are all BITCHES!!!"

Uggghhhh, so frustrating. I was 204.5 this AM, which means it was 200.5 at DK's office. I just can't get past it!!!!! Maybe I need a slight fill. I've noticed I'm getting hungrier between meals and waking up hungry when I didn't use to be. I'm also starting to think about food again. You know, the thoughts of "ohhh, a ____ sounds really good with a side of _____" I thought I was past that, but I guess not. I tell you, it's a head trip getting past the 200s. Once I get to the 180s, I think the hardest part will be behind me. Lord, just get me to that dang number.

Hmmmm, other happenings.... First things first, I got a new Scentsy recruit today! WOOT WOOT! I'm 2 people short (and a few awesome sale months) of becoming a Director. I'm SOO close!! This weekend was also lucky and I scored some Taylor Swift tickets for my DD's birthday. Correction: Taylor Swift FLOOR seats!!! It's a surprise and she's going to FREAK OUT!! What makes it even more special is that my mom is flying out from CA to join us, so she's really going to love it!! I'm such a good little mommy. ;)

Anyway, so I'm starting to view others larger than me in a strange way. Well, that didn't sound right. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm looking at people I know differently. It's going to sound insane, but it seems like the more I shrink, the larger others are getting. I don't think they are gaining weight, they just appear to be bigger. Has that happened to anyone else?!?! My how your perception changes when you're obese and less obese.

What I'm also noticing about me is my attitude and no-nonsense tells-it-like-it-is mentality. I've always been ballsy, but now I've seemed to grow another pair!! Case in point, I was at Claire's of all places buying some headbands for my DD and her friends. The line was SUPER long & crazy and there appeared to be two lines to checkout. I walked up to the line and I asked a woman if this was the end. She said yes and motioned to the kids that were behind her. I could have sworn she said there was another line 'over there'. So I went 'over there'. As I was waiting for a bit, some Amazon blond teen and her shorter friend came up next to me. I said I was in line. Then they walked away and got in line behind the first lady. Anyway, long story longer, there was only one line. I told the first lady that I was behind her and she mentioned the kids behind her were with her. I said that's fine and I'm right here and I'm glad we're all in agreeance. WELL, the first lady checks out and then I notice Amazon blonde and her friend were behind the first lady. I'm thinking "where the heck did they get off jumping in line when I said I was behind the first lady". So anyway, when it was my turn I walked up. I had 4 headbands. Nothing major. Anyway, as I'm walking up I hear this "Excuse me, THEY are next in line." I'm shocked and look over at her and first lady is referring to Amazon blonde and friend. I said "no they weren't, they just walked up when I was already here" and she said "No, they are with me." I, in all my sassy-ness said "I'm sorry, I'm already here and this will only take a minute." She was shocked and couldn't say anything and I was bracing for it. I kept waiting for the "Excuse me fat bitch, blah blah blah" but you know what, she was speechless!!!!! hahaha Well, it turns out the headbands were mis-marked and not priced at what I thought they would be, so I ended up leaving and not taking them. But, in true T style, I said as I swaggered out "See, now I'm leaving & everyone is happy!"

Ya, I'm a bitch with balls, two pairs actually. :) Oh Lord help the world when I'm 140 and REALLY hawt & sassy!!!! My poor hubby! JK, I'm really sweet, sometimes. ;) I've never been one to be easily intimidated or shy away from confrontation due to my size. I don't see that becoming an issue in my future either!!

Finally, Damn it

I'm in One-Derland. 197 as of this morning, to be exact.

Yaeeeeee

I had this epic post planned for the day that I reach under 200lbs. I really did. It was going to be complete with HUGE fonts, tons of exclaimation points, etc etc... But here it is, like a week of being under 200 and I'm just now telling you about it. Boo.

I guess because I look in the mirror and although somewhat smaller, I'm still fat. Being slightly under 200 when you're 5'1" doesn't change that. I'm not going to get all pissy-missy on ya, and I'm VERY grateful to be under 200 than over 300 like I was heading, I just thought I would feel better-er. Look better-er. Don't get me wrong, I know it's a huge accomplishment. I realize that, it's just hard to get excited about it. The last time I was under 200, it was VERY short lived. It's almost like I don't want to get too attached to that because I'll gain it all back in a few months like I always have. Anyway, it's still hard to believe.

It's almost been 8mo since I was banded. 8mo and 65lbs later. Size 26 to now a size 14/16/18 (ya, I'm all over the place.). I've now lost more weight than I have left to lose to get to my goal of 140. Which means I am more than halfway to my goal. INSANE. Really, freakin CRAZY.

I really need to post some pics. I think blogs with pics are better. lol We had a computer keel over last week and my DH has been working on it. When I'm back in business, I'll be able to post the scary boy shorts and sports bra pics. Brace yourselves people, they aren't for the faint of heart. Shiver. :/

So, I hope everyone had a nice Valentine's. I was spoiled. Surprised with a lunch date, a new Pandora bracelet and a charm, a homemade lobster AND crab leg dinner and roses. After 10+ yrs, he's finally learning. Too bad AF was on her way that evening and I was an irritable beeotch. Oh well, can't win them all. He understood and I think that was the best present of them all.

I've had a few highlights this week. The biggest one is

I'm going to my FIRST Josh Groban concert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've loved him from the beginning but have never had the chance to see him in concert (read: never shelled out the money to be in the fanclub that enabled me to first come seating). Yesterday, I bought myself (and P1) tickets and get this.....

16th ROW, BABBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! I'm BEYOND excited!!!!!

That is super close to me. Few times in my life have I been closer: the Wiggles when P1 was 3 and we had front row center (a miracle). & NKOTB when I was 14 and I had 7th row (they were playing at Six Flags and no one knew who they were, so total accident!). I digress....

16th ROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I didn't have to sell P2 to pay for them either! Life is good!!

The second good thing this week was my mini-Scentsy convention to gear up for Spring. What an amazing meeting. I'm realizing more and more what a fabulous company Scentsy is and I'm VERY fortunate to be a part of that. It's changing my life.

In fact, everything is changing. My body is changing. My mind is changing, and I know it's a good thing.

I'm a weather wimp

It's cold here. Damn cold. I mean like butt-ass-naked cold. I believe it's 15^ out and it's the second day the kids have been banned from school because of the snow and ice. Plus, did I mention I'm sick?? I went to the dr Monday and they said it was just a virus. I've been hacking up my lungs since Saturday with no relief in site. My chest just feels so heavy and tight. It's awful.

My baby girl has been sick too. She started on Sunday with sudden vomitting. YUCK. She did OK at school on Monday until she got home and proceded to throw up all over the floor. She missed my laptop by mere inches. HORROR!!! Yesterday she was barf-free, so we might be on the upswing. Please please. I can't deal with anymore barf!!

So, as I was saying about the cold. I live in Texas and it's not supposed to deep freeze here. Alas, it is. The officials don't expect us to thaw until Friday. Grrreat. No work for me means no money. :( I'll be damned if I'm going to use all my vacation time the first week of February either. DAMN! So, we shall see what happens. I work for a decent private company and I'm hoping they will make some exceptions for us poor saps with kiddos! Wish me luck!

So the scale has been wonky lately. I'm up a pound, down two, up one, down one. It's all over the place. Yesterday I saw the scale read a glorius 201.5 Nothing like a freakin dangling carrot. Today, I was back up to 203.5 WTF. I had two homemade beef tacos. Guess that's what did it. Darn. Oh well, they were good. After soup for two stinking days (and my BP being up when I went to the dr. btw. Grrrr), I knew that 201.5 wasn't the real deal anyway. I'm SOOO close to One-Derland and now I feel the scale and the scale gods are just messin' with my little brain. So close, yet SO far away!

Hope you all are doing well out in Blogland. I wish some of you were local. I need some friends, some bandster friends to hang out with and especially to work out with. Sigh. :( Until then...... Stay warm and stay healthy!

I got an award!

So I was nominated by the sweet gal at Fitby40 for this Stylish Blogger Award. I'm not sure how 'stylish' I am, but I'm taking it and running with it!! Thanks hon! So, now I need to tell you 7 things about myself and nominate 15 others!

Hmmmm....

1. One of my favorite movies of all times in Spaceballs. I've seen it like a gazillion times (mostly because it was my baby bro's fave movies when he was little and he used to watch it every day after school. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.) haha Use the Schwartz.

2. I love dogs. I love the idea of a dog, but dogs stink. I don't care how clean you make them with grooming and whatnot, they still stink. Hence, I don't own a dog. If I go to your house, and you have dogs, inside dogs. Your house stinks. Just saying. :) I'm sure you'd say the same about my house with cats. But oh well, I love my kittie-witties.

3. Boys are gross, but I love them. I'm glad all I have are girls. I couldn't imagine raising a boy.

4. Poltergeist and Hell Raiser scared the bajeezus out of me when I was younger. I can't watch them even now. Yep, I'm a chicken. My DH wanted my DD (8) to watch Poltergeist last October and it was almost a brawl in my house because of it. I didn't want her traumatized (like I was at 10) and he didn't see what the big deal is. After arguing about it for a day (I know, we're dumb), and her clammoring to watch it and prove something to her chicken mother, she watched it. It didn't make me feel better when she said it was silly and called it PolterGeese. Really, how can you be scared of a movie about Polter-Geese?!?! :/ Oh, and it gives me chills when she says in her soft voice, with her hand covering and uncovering her mouth quickly while saying "Mommy, Mommy, where are you?". SHIVER.

5. I really hate to pee. Imagine how much time we would have in our days if we didn't have to stop & make time to pee! When I was younger, I used to call it "That annoying job". I know, I have issues. And now I have to pee. Grrrrrr.

6. I have this weird thing about old food. Let me clarify. I just threw away an entire box of Special K cereal. I just opened it today. DD2 and I had a bowl, but I thought it tasted 'old' so I threw it away. Now, the date did says 9/2010 so it's been in there awhile, but it hadn't been opened. I'm sure to a normal person, it was just fine. But since I knew how old it was, I could taste it.

7. I can't stand ANYTHING Ren-Faire-ish. Midieval Times is a place you will NEVER see me at. Dungeons & Dragons, sorcery and Ma-lady crap is just that. I can't STAND that stuff. I think it stems back to my first boyfriend who was a stupid role-player and he was one of the dorks that dressed up to go to the local Ren-Faire. I'd rather DIE. DIE I TELL YOU!!! hahahah No offense if you like that stuff, but man alive...I HATE IT!!!

Now to nominate 15 others. Watch your comments, you might be next!

Maybe tomorrow

So I did that Zumba today on the Kinect. Wow. Talk about advanced! I felt like an idiot! Even more than I already do at a real Zumba class! I had it on the easy level too, and the moves were crazy fast. The good thing though, I lasted 20min (baby steps) and I'm kind of sore now.

Maybe tomorrow I will be greeted with being in One-Derland. Dare to dream. Last week the scale was being a bitch. Down a pound. Up two pounds, down another pound. It didn't want to make up its mind. I was grateful that I ended the week with a two pound loss. Thankfully. I was stressing because if I would have gained, I would have blamed it on the unfill I got recently. I still feel pretty tight though. I'm able to drink fluids easier and I was struggling with that. I still think I need to up my fluids. It would only help with my loss, I'm sure. I used to be so good at drinking it, but the fills have made it more difficult.

Note to self, drink more. Pee more. Period.

Like what I've done to the place?

Me and my ADD decided it was time to update the blog. Plus, it was almost a month past Christmas! Anyway, the hubby just bought me Zumba for Xbox Kinect. Him and my DD just now said "Show us what you got, Mama".

Lord, be with me! hahaha

They're Starting to ask Questions

Co-workers.

Love them to death, but they are starting to get nosey. I guess it's a good thing that some are starting to notice the loss (only took 50 damn pounds...I digress...), but some are starting to ask a lot more questions. They want to know what I'm doing, how long I've been doing "it" and all my tips. There are a handful of overweight folk in my office and seeing me, who was one of the biggest, shrink, has caused a little bit of a stir. OK, maybe that's just my interpretation, but some are starting to ask questions.

My standard answer is 'portion control, high protein, low fat/carb, and exercise. I guess that's partly true, right? I feel horrible lying by omission regardless. I'm just not ready to come clean. Now that I've had some success, I'm dreading the response that goes something like "Oh, I KNEW you must have done something drastic! There's just NO WAY you could have done it on your own." Uhhhh, thanks. KWIM?! I guess I just don't want everyone in my business or to suddenly become the local poster child for the LB. Ya know? I'm probably over-analyzing this, but I dread the questions.

Anyway, maybe I'll change my mind when I've lost more. I don't know how that will change anything, but at least I won't need to think about coming clean until then! Ha!

So, this morning I was greeted with a beautiful 204.5 on the scale. That puts me at 5.5lbs away from being in One-Derland. That is going to be a major day of celebrating, let me tell you! I haven't been 199 since 2002. Seriously, it was only that low for a minute and then I was right back up on a gradual incline. Uugghh. Anyway, I updated my weightloss ticker, despite it being Friday yet, my official weigh-in day. Just seeing that I'm almost halfway to my goal is just freaking awesome to me.

Well, thanks for listening. I need to put in a Scentsy order, so I better get going!! Speaking of which, can I see a show of hands of those who have never heard or experienced the greatness that is Scentsy?!?! I'm just curious. A poll, if you will! THANKS!!! And if you're so inclined, please check it out! www.TrinScents.Scentsy.us I'm looking for a few great ladies to join my team!! ;)

Family Report, Hot Button Issues and Shrinking Ears!

Hey guys! Long time, no blog.

I know, it's been a little bit and I hope you're all well.

This is probably going to be long, so consider yourself warned!

So, thanks for the well-wishes to my brother! I'm happy to report that he's doing awesome and adjusting to his new lifestyle perfectly. I'm even more proud to tell you all that since 12/22/10 he's lost 30lbs! Bastard. hahaha JK! I'm proud of him and trying to convince myself to be happy at my accomplishments when he blows past my 50lbs+ loss in no time.

So I've got a new follower! Howdy, new follower! :)

I'm doing pretty well. I went to see DK on Thursday and I've lost 13lbs since 12/3/10. I can take that! This morning the scale read 205. I'm 6 lbs away from ONE-DERLAND!!! Insane!! It's a goal to be 199 by 2/1. I think I can, I think I can.

I was having some issues and I don't think I talked about it on here. I think it's worth noting.

I've been having RAGING reflux. Like waking up in the middle of the night choking on acid, reflux. OUCH and DISGUSTING. No matter what I ate, or what time I ate, it was horrible. it had been going on for about 3wks and not getting any better. I was eating Tums like they were going out of style and nothing was helping. I was also having a HORRIBLE throat belching problem. Like a bubble/gurgle (my DH affectionately referred to it as my "burgle from my gullet". How sweet, eh?!) that would never come all the way up. So embarrassing that even a few friends noticed it was happening a lot.

I was scared to go see DK though. I was terrified of an unfill. In my brain, and from a friend that I personally know who suffered from reflux, getting an unfill equals weight gain to me. My appt was even scheduled for the week before, but I postponed it a week to see if I could get it under control before I opted for the unfill.

When I went to see DK on Thursday, he said EJ looks great (yippy!), but that he probably thought I was a tad too tight and that was causing the gurgle and the reflux. So yep, an unfill was my best bet at relief. I was really dreading it, but now I'm happy I did it. I was at a 6.3cc in a 10cc band, and they took at .2, so I'm at a 6.1cc and it's AWESOME. I'm still pretty tight, but the reflux and gurgle were gone after one day. It's AMAZING what that slight unfill did. It's only been a few days, but I haven't noticed a change in my appetite, so I'm hoping I will continue to lose. I have a goal to get to remember!

Hmmmm, so what else. Oh good grief. Got some interesting news. My baby brother (not M) is going to be a dad. He knocked up his girlfriend. They are both 23 and have no plans for marriage. I love my brother, but he's really EFFED up this time. They both have zero education, zero stability, etc etc... I was beyond pissed when I found out, but I've come to learn and accept that some people just need to learn the hardway. I hope and pray it works out for them and they do what's right for that child. I'm also VERY thankful I live out of state so I'm away from the drama that will probably occur when it's D-day and beyond. Uggghhhh.

I've learned, well I've known this for awhile, what my hot button issue is... people who have multiple children without the means to support them and think it's quite alright to get pregnant and let 'the system' support them and their children. I can't begin to tell you how much that pisses me off.

I'm a working mom. I've planned my kids accordingly, and I bust my ass to provide for my family...and yet there are these women who think 'it's OK if I have another baby, I'll just get on Medicaid, or Wic, or whatever public assistance is offered in my area." What makes me even MORE angry is when these 'holier than thou SAHMs look down on me because I'm a working mom and how dare I let "someone else raise my children." How is it Ok that you let the government FEED your kids and yet I'M the 'lesser mom' because I work?! Uuugghhhh. See, hot button issue for me. Why am I talking about this? My brother's girlfriend, who was let go from her job for whatever reason and is now getting unemployment, decided that since she's expecting she will just get on public assistance for her and the baby. Not work, not even TRY to find a job. That REALLY tap-danced on my already irate last nerve!!! Public assistance should be available for people who are really trying to do the right thing, but have come on hard times. NOT for those that are too lazy to get off their damn asses and better their lives for their children. If you are perfectly abled, in body and mind, than there is absolutely NO FREAKIN' reason why you shouldn't be working to support your UN-PLANNED children!!!!!!!! ARRGGGHH.

I'll step off my soapbox. ;) I guess that was two hot topics for me. SAHMs vs. Working moms (you don't want to get me going off on this one either!), and the whole public assistance for unplanned pregnancies. In this day and age, there is absolutely NO EXCUSE for unplanned pregnancies (well, with the exception of rape and abuse, but you know what I mean). OK, NOW I'm stepping off the soapbox!

Hmmm, what else can I bitch about?

My clothes are getting so big. I've gotten to the point that most of my wardrobe is way too big for me, and it's so aggrivating when I'm wearing a shirt or jeans that are too big on me and just hang on me. For instance, my DD and I went to JCP a week ago. I wanted to try on some clothes just to do a size check. It was snowing outside, so I just threw on some jeans, a shirt and a heavy coat. When I grabbed some clothes to try on and I looked at myself in the mirror I was disgusted. I looked like a frumpy, dis-shelved mess. My clothes were H.U.G.E. on me. Had I not had that jacket on to hide behind, I would have gone home to change. It was that bad. What an odd sensation. Upset that my clothes were too big on me. hahahah. It's the little things. You know, I could swear my earrings are fitting looser on me. Isn't that crazy talk?! Yesterday I was doing something and my ear was pressed against the side of my head and the back of my earring really poked the heck out of me. I was thinking "I don't remember the post being that long before!". Keep in mind, these are earrings that I wear 24/7. It was odd that I never noticed the posts being that long, but then I thought I wonder if my ears are shrinking too?!?! hahaha

I will say that it made me happy to wear an 18 in pants and a 14/16, XL in shirts and apparently the ears are getting smaller too! ;)

Wish Him Goodluck!!

Note to my Brother-

Hi Bro, it's your older, wiser, and now thinner GORGEOUS Sister!! bwahahahah It's the eve of your lap band surgery and I can't tell you how excited I am for you to have this life-changing event and be on your way to a healthier you.

It's a tough road, and you'll have your good days and bad days, but in general, your only regret will be that you didn't do this for yourself sooner.

Remember the three things I told you about and remember to ask your staff when you get to the hospital in the morning:
1. Where the EFF is your pain medicine!!!!!!!!?!?!? :)

2. Bring your Carmex. You will get chappy-lipskin-disease from the breathing tube, so apply when you can in post-op!

3. Walk Walk Walk, soon after you get home to get that gas out of you. Trust me, you will feel SOOOO much better and you might get lucky and escape the gas pain/shoulder pain post-op.

One more thing, follow your post-op instructions!! They are there for a reason! Oh, and most importantly, do what I say, don't do what I do!!!!!!!!! (especially if you go back and read this blog from the beginning!! hahahaha).

Love you bunches and we will ALL be praying for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Everyone in Band-Land, please welcome the newest member to the family, M!!